OOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOD LIKE WTF?!?!
I barely finished everything today and when I was just about to get ready my method my parents fucking WASTED MY TIME.
I RAN OUT OF TIME TODAY AGAIN, I’M SO FUCKING PISSED.
I hate delays so much. Like one day was ok, but TWO?!?!?!?!?!?!
I finished everything today and I was supposed to be happy and have good memories, BUT NO, THEY WILL FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING UNTIL THE END.
FUCK YOU, GOD. IF THIS IS YOUR DOING AND YOU REALLY EXIST FUCK YOU!!! I WON’T HAVE MERCY
Edit: I’m feeling better now, I watched lots of funny videos and enjoyed all the things I did more time. It was good in the end.
5 comments
I feel the same way today. Everything they do just fucks me over, and the thing is, they think they’re helping me, when it’s just making everything worse.
I have been delayed 6 years
okay okay okay
please listen
first, & I guess it goes without question, & even though I know u’ll probably hate me for saying it… I’m so so glad you’re still here & that these delays happened… cause I think there’s something really important that we need to talk about…
Secondly, I greatly apologize for my own delay… I’m currently abroad & have had to move from one place to another on Monday & Tuesday which was an exhausting process… I wanted to write this to you since Monday… I fell asleep with the phone in my hand trying to write you something…
I read every post you wrote since the last time we talked & I think there’s a very very important point regarding all the events that happened through out this period…
please don’t take this in a negative way
I’m not being judgemental
I’m only trying to lay out some facts/truths in front of you
so you could, hopefully, see them better
okay love
<3
your parents found out about you skipping uni,
right?
now it seems to me from what you wrote that things didn't really turn out as bad as you expected them to… 🙂
actually the opposite…
your father,
of whom you were most afraid about his reaction to this,
was surprisingly supportive…
he directly told you that he's okay with you choosing the other career path you like…
& he told you he loves you… <3
nothing seems to have changed much regarding your mom
since it seems like she's always been giving you some hard time
& that you guys weren't always getting along…
so pretty much nothing changed after she found out…
she's still giving you a hard time [as usual]
[not that I'm okay with that… just saying that this is nothing out of the ordinary in your situation]
& you're still not getting along…
so please do tell me love,
what is the necessity in taking this step now? 🙁
you clearly clearly wrote before that you are doing this "because of them"
because of "their reaction" [as you imagined it to be]
because of the "torture" you were expecting…
because you could not possibly tolerate living in the "hell" that they will make for you
wasn't this your reasoning? 🙁
I see
& I hope I'm correct when saying that
*none of this actually happened*
*None* of it
you expected your father to turn into a vicious monster
what actually happened?
he expressed love & support to you
you expected your mom to also go crazy on you
what actually happened?
some roughening
but nothing really out of the ordinary…
not long term at least
you expected to be tortured
& deprived of food & sleep
& be forced into things
& have things taken away from you
& be locked in your room & never be free again…
it seems to me that none of this happened either…
for one thing, you freely left & stayed in a hostel for one night & only went back because of lack of money [which you sadly decided to give all away previously 🙁 ] not because one of your parents came to the hostel & dragged you home…
I mean to say love
if all these things you were so scared & afraid of
& suicide seemed to you as the only way you can avoid or escape these things
& escape that horrible future
if all these things
have now been proven to be
nothing but imagination
& not real
& none of them actually happened…
why still take your life? 🙁
is it just because you made the plan?
do you really think that's a good reasoning… 🙁
you know
I think this is a perfect example for your situation right now:
Let’s imagine I have some knowledge in weather forecasting & earth-science
I make some calculations based on certain events that have recently happened
& with these calculations I expect a natural disaster is gonna hit my town on a certain date
so I make extensive preparations to move out before the expected date of the natural disaster occurring
I prepare & prepare & prepare
& throughout this preparation,
& as much as I imagine the horrors that will happen in my town when the natural disaster strikes
I also kinda get attached to my imagination of the new home I’m moving too
& how nice & quiet & safe it will be
but then fate plays a hand
& I get delayed with my move
& the expected date comes
& I’m still in my original home & didn’t get a chance to move out
I’m dead scared
I go hide in the closet
imaging all sorts of pains & hardships that will happen
now that the disaster will strike
I imagine a dark dark future
or a horrible horrible death
I’m imagining storms, hurricanes, tsunamis, volcano lava, earthquakes
hell on earth basically
then the day goes by,
hours pass
the next day comes
wait a second
why am I not hearing anything
why aren’t there people screaming in their homes & on the streets?
where’s the sound of cars crashing or planes falling from the sky?
I get out of my closet & take a quick peak…
where is it?
where is the disaster?
yeah sure, the weather is a bit unstable
it’s not a bright sunny day
but it comes nothing close to what I imagined
yeah there’s some strong wind every now & then
some rain maybe
but no hurricanes, no storms, no earthquakes & most certainly no volcano lava…
hmmm… that’s weird…
alright,
it’s a fact now,
I don’t “need” to move out now
cause the main reason why I was moving
was an expectation & an imagination that did not happen to begin with…
Now I ask you Kamidaka,
does it make any sense to you
if I still decide to move out?
you wrote before that you feel you
“ran out of time”
or that it’s “too late to go back now”
could you please please please explain this to me?
is it because of the steps you took regarding money, clothes, etc…
if this is the case
please believe me when i tell you that none of these materialistic things
none of them
would come even close to compare to the value of your life
or the mere fact of your existence
specially most specially when you are still with your parents & your father is supportive of you
anything that you have lost can be regained in time
just like you imagined how your parents would react
your decisions… no matter what they were… are not as “irreversible” as you imagine them to be…
but leaving here is irreversible
& this is what I don’t want for you… 🙁
Thank you for reading all this
I hope you don’t take any of what I said in a negative light
I’ve been beating myself over not writing you soon enough when you clearly mentioned the time
& I’m so so grateful that those delays happened [despite how hateful you are of them]
Finally
I think it goes without saying
that I truly truly do care about you
& I really really hope that we could talk about this
or that, at least, what i said makes some sense to you
& helps you understand that this is not necessary
please take care of yourself
& till we, hopefully talk again,
I wish you all the best
[P.S.
if you wish not to talk here
my email is
farahlajeennouraldeen.1@gmail
please know that you’re most most welcome to contact me
tc
<3
]