Escape Myself

I’m 24 and I haven’t even gone to college, but people from my HS are on their Masters and are travelling and doing amazing things. I just started working at a call center again, and it’s nothing to brag over.

For about 2 years I was really excited and planning this trip to Japan for about 10 months from now. I had even saved up a few thousand dollars, but work fell through and I spent it on life, but also on bullshit. Now I’m probably going to be late with my rent.

I’ve always seen Tokyo as some kind of “promised land”. Every since I took this job, every day, in the morning, at lunch, at night, I check the price of plane and bus tickets that would get me to Japan. The return ticket obviously doesn’t matter, but I have to have it to be able to get into the country.

If I could get just enough money to go, then I could enjoy the one thing that I have loved in life, before I off myself. I’ve tried about 11x over the years, mostly overdosing, but it’s been over 2 years since the last time I tried.

This time I would jump a train, for sure. I know I would run out of money there in Japan, I have almost nothing, and I think that desperation would finally drive me to do it.