My story of depression and sadness.

Um hi guys,i don’t know how to start this,but i will try.So im 13 and this is my story.My parents are strict.When i was 8 years old my mom was cheating on my dad.My dad found out and every night they were arguing and yelling,my brother was just standing there and i was trying to stop them from fighting,sometimes they stopped.But then one night they were arguing and my dad had enough and grabbed his gun(yes gun,he was a policeman) and thank god i took all the bullets out,because he tried to kill himself.Then everything changed when i was at school everything was fake smiles,fake happiness,but when i get home it was just sadness and fear,fear of that my dad tried to kill himself again or that he would just leave,he was my only happiness the only one that really cared about me.My mom was quite the opposite she is loves the money and my brother.She just loves to go on vacations with her boy toys or that as$hole that divorced my parents.I kind of loved her when i was 10,but i loved my dad more.Fast forward to 2013 he went to Germany and started working there.I missed him so much.Without him my life went downhill my mom started beating me up for no reason or just for one thing.In 5th grade my grades went downhill too i was a bad student,but only in school i was with the only person that kept me from ending my life,for once in so much years i was happy,but it all ended in the wast day of school in 7th grade.We didn’t talk that much in the summer break and after the first day of school,we were in different schools..The only person that truly loved me left.My aunt and my cousin Eli were there for me and loved me,but with my best friend was different.My aunt was more of a mother than my own.When this was all happening the beating didn’t stop and my thinking about suicide didn’t stop.It all started okay in the new school,but my “mother” is still the evil woman she was in 2013,but worse.She just used me for the money that my father would send,she didn’t pay attention to me,she was abusing me and still verbally abusing me.Oh and the “best” part about that is my brother is verbally abusing me too.Nobody knows,only my family.My dad doesn’t know,because i don’t tell him.But today is the day that i feel like im not going to live to my 14th birthday.I just doesn’t feel physically able to,in my head is just ”kill yourself,you are worthless,nobody loves you,you are fat,you are ugly” and it goes on and on.The fake happiness and smiles are back.I just don’t feel loved,i feel empty and lonely.My mother doesn’t love me,my brother doesn’t love me,my father rarely calls,my best friend has a new best friend,i have Dysthymia.I just hate myself.Thank you for your time reading all this.