I need to go to school if there’s any chance left for me. I know my dreams of being a writer and marine biologist and having kids and family and love and being a crabby hippie old lady and jumping off a cliff in the end so I can fly but it will never happen because I’m hopeless and weak and I have no future. If I keep sleeping and staring at the ceiling or my phone all day, I’ll just give up again and beg my parents to send my to a different school yet again, and the same problems will befall me. All because I’m to scared and weak to kill myself and give my family grief. It’ll be my fifth school for high school and then it’ll turn into my sixth and seventh till I can’t take it anymore and colleges don’t want me and I’ll never move on from this and never move on in my life. How do people get up in the morning? Like I’ll ever have a clue. I’m drowning and spinning downwards into the self hate again, an endless cycle of a miserable life. How do I motivate myself? I’m pretty sure I have moderately severe since I took a medical test. Medication never really helps me anyways with other stuff so what’s the point? If I tell anyone this like my parents they’ll realize I’m faking being sick even though it’s my mind that’s sick and they’ll force me back to school which I don’t know I can handle without causing a scene and cussing everyone out or cutting, or they’ll send me to professionals trying to fix me and confide and gossip with my family members about me and I’ll never be able to look anyone in the eye ever again and I don’t want their fucking help! Do I even try to go to school and get better? What if it’s all a big waste because I’ll be dead before I turn 18? 17? I just am hopeless.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
12 comments
You’re not hopeless but you should talk to someone. I was like you. I waited until I was 30 before I ask for help. I still am broken in ways but I am still alive. Not that I always want to be. You should be able to confide in someone who can’t gossip to your parents. Please try. The ocean needs you.
Thank You.
[Isn’t it sad that I care more about the ocean than an actual person? I am fucked up.]
But thank you, it helps
Rachel Carson is my idol. Follow your dreams and become a marine biologist. I always feel best when I’m in the water.
Your dream sounds so cool to me and something I think you should strive for. yeah, that may sound cliche but I don’t think I ever had a dream in my life so I wish I could find a dream of my own.
Isn’t that worth getting up for?
Yes it should be enough it seems but I just don’t believe I could actually do it. I just sabotage myself. Really sucks. Thanks though.
I’m sorry you haven’t found dream. Just think of if you had to stay on this earth what would you do to open people’s eyes or help or for yourself?
These dreams of yours are simple as long as you follow the rules and the leader. They will guide you to all the right people and all the right directions. The right college and the right textbooks. The right volunteer groups and the right peers.
These are the people you call your “mentors”
They are your guidance counselors in your high school that assist you in after high school matters
It’s really tough when you graduate high school with no assistance and no career goals..but your career goal is solid, just stick by your mentor. You have nothing to worry about.
You remind me a lot of me, only I am much older. I am a marine biologist, and have been forever. My place is the sea… and to be honest, I had that past your future can have…. only you have the chance to have a good future, mine came and went,, in my case, my life is over…
I know it is hard, but you do have a future ahead of you… unlike me.
Your situation now is going to change as you get older…. trust me, it will.
You feel pain now, and pain always pops into everyones life… but I have the ability to tell you that you can make something of yourself and have a good future… just focus on whats ahead.
You’re a marine biologist? That’s amazing thanks for the advice. You’re life can’t be completely over, just find something to love. I’ll try to push on, u should too.
Yes I am,.,,
I have a pretty strong feeling I now have cancer,,, found lump on side of neck… haven’t seen doc, likely won’t,, I will just let it take its course….
Had a wife that left me, it is my best option also since I don’t even have anyone to take me to get any possible treatments….
In lots of ways, I am done, I don’t care to go on,. I have done my thing in life, mine was backwards compared to many,,, I had the best early on… now its over.
So I have all in order and now quite at ease about leaving.
But you are young, keep going.
Oh I’m sorry that’s awful. Yea, I will try to keep going. I finally went to school and I dread waking up every morning but it’s been a little better the past two days. I hope you do what’s best for you and find peace. I’m sorry about your wife and not having anyone.
Glad you are feeling better. I am happy to see you are,, and hope it continues.
Im still sick here and know now I have something serious,,, lump is definitely there, but I see it as a blessing. Lost job today too, everyone did, company closed. I am quite ready to leave this world now and hope it comes fast at my hands or not. I had th best part of life, its over in many ways, I am done. I want to die now.