Everyone is out having fun with either friends or their family, but here I am, home alone, gotta fix my own dinner and still recovering from an anxiety attack that occurred last friday on a party. Seriously, I feel like that attack changed me. I feel like I lost my ability to show emotions physically, but whatever. Besides that I also feel that some people are avoiding me, but hey maybe it’s just my imagination.. it’s christmas after all, so they’re probs just celebrating it with their families, right? That’s what I hope at least..
So how are you guys doing on christmas day? I’m just feeling depressed and extra suicidal.
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So how am I doing this Xmas day? Three big stressors right in a row. Now soon I will put on the fake happy face.
Feel ya. I also have to put on a fake “happy” face.. But now I’m home alone and o tell the truth it makes me feel extremely lonely.
Trying to figure out when I should kill myself…. mentally preparing… thinking if I should do it today or wait until new year.
Woke up at 2:30 am to the sound of retards exited to start walking to kill my self and see lots of retards looking retarded
I’ve given up on killing myself.. Tried it a couple times with no succes at all..
So yeah, I’m just hating life and wasting my time now.
I’m fighting the urge to vegetate. I should go drive places and visit people but I really don’t want to. I should call people who aren’t calling me, but I don’t want to. I should feed the cats…. hm, I should feed the cats.
Yeah, you should feed the cats..
Well, nobody called me today and I called no-one.
It sucks not having anyone to talk to since they’re all at family parties and such..
Welp, almost time to prepare my own dinner, sadly enough I’ll be eating all alone with no one to even chat with. Pretty funny, I always hated these parties and all, but now I’m feeling abandoned and all alone..
Sorry for the little vent!
It happens. I also have to go to the store, but they’re all closed. I think gas stations are open, so I’ll buy some fantastic gas-station taquitos or something. Parties are overrated. Too many people. I’d rather hang out with the cats.
Yeah, I wanted to get some fries from a “restaurant” (I live in Belgium and it has no translation, but in Dutch it’s called Frituur), but they’re all closed today.
Don’t know what else to cook and my mom will be angry if I don’t eat a “proper” dinner..
If I lived alone I would just make some noodles and don’t give a crap about food…
Yeah, if the local convenience store didn’t serve turkey dinner in a bowl, I’d be making grilled cheese and soup. Mmm. Grilled cheese & tomato bisque.
Welp, you gotta take what you can take!
So go get that turkey and enjoy your meal!
A close family member of mine died on Christmas Day.
No tree. No decorations. No presents.
But we have a 24 hour Wawa (Turkey Bowl!) and a Betty White Christmas.
I have a roof over my head (and “Baby It’s Cold Outside”).
I don’t have to feel uncomfortable in front of a bunch of people.
I got my dogs.
And I got the day off from work: three day weekend
And I got all you guys to keep me company. Yeah, I’m good.
Sucks a close family member died (If he didn’t want to die at least)..
I’m happy you’re good and not like me feeling all alone.
To tell the truth there are only 2 people I wanna talk to right now, but I guess they’re both busy at a family party of theirs..
It’s a matter of focus, I suppose. I’m not watching feel good Christmas movies. Not focusing on loss. Just having a pleasant day. It’s a made up, commercially driven holiday. Not my thing.
Yuck! I hate christmas movies and music!
But yeah, I get what you mean.. The thing is that I have Asperger, so it’s hard not to miss the “special” people when I can’t talk to them..
We aspies tend to get “obsessed” with their special interests
Well, Kur0, I think we’re pretty special, even though we may not be interesting enough to obsess about. I’ll let you know when I crack open the Goldschlager, which sounds indecent, but is pretty decent afterall.
Goldschlager sounds like beer for rich people. Or what rich people produce after drinking beer. I always figured the later was Budweiser.
I don’t consider myself special in a good way though.
I guess that’s why no one is ever interested in me..
I’m feeling crappy. And lonely. Since when did texting replace calling on Christmas? I can’t find my happy face. Why am I so sad? I guess I’m expecting someone to remember what a lousy year we had. Oh yeah! They weren’t around last summer either. Anyway, I really should try…
I’m feeling crappy too..
It’s just me today.. My mom has to work and my sister is at her boyfriend’s house.
I don’t really care though, there are only 2 people I wish I could talk with today. But they’re not responding.. Well I guess they’re both at some party or doing something else with their family, so I don’t blame them for not answering.
Yuck! I hate christmas movies and music!
But yeah, I get what you mean.. The thing is that I have Asperger, so it’s hard not to miss the “special” people when I can’t talk to them..
We aspies tend to get “obsessed” with their special interests.
Oops, wrong comment! sorry
My brother has Aspergers. He’s alone today too. Hopefully he’ll go to a meeting and won’t be alone.
I hope he’s doing okey!
He’s doing a lot better than me!
I’m happy for him.
I don’t know what your situation is, but I at least hope he isn’t suffering the same amount as I am.
As for you, I hope you’ll be feeling better soon!
My brother is the only person that came to see me today.
I was diagnosed with “high functioning autism” but I’m not autistic… at all. So that has made me severely more suicidal than I already was. Now I have stopped living completely.
In general autism is just that your brain developed differently then the usual brain. You don’t have to act like what most people see as an autistic person in order to have autislm.
So how can you tell that your brain “developed differently” I don’t get it much
Most of the time they just study your behavior, so of course they’re not sure that your bran is different.
But autism is not a disorder, it just means you’re different.
Which 100% sucks…
Being alone on a big holiday sucks no matter what else is going on every other day. It’s more than “aloneness” which I’ve learned to adjust to-
It’s just the simple fact that NOBODY thought enough of you (ME) to send a card, text, call, gift or some type of recognition that you are actually alive on this earth…
Ok, so now that I’ve depressed anybody who wasn’t already feeling rejected, insignificant or invisible,
I must say, the only thing we really can do is appreciate the small things we do have:
Example- My day could have been much worse if hotel I live in threw me out, (I’m several days behind in payments)…
I REALLY wanted to be recognized today–
(To try to prove my lufe has some importance or value);
E.g. *call from someone I know,
but instead I’ll try to be thankful I didn’t have to spend xmas alone in my car or outside.
Yep pathetic, but the “could have been worse” attitude helps to not completely fall into despair + hopelessness and craving death.
Hope you all have the best day possible- And some even have a few miracles today…
Isn’t that what Santa is for? 🙂
Well, that’s true, but idk. I just can’t enjoy stuff like I used to, I feel like my emotions aren’t working like they should.
We made it this far. We’ll make it the rest of the way.
I’m 18…
I doubt I’ll make it through life and die a “natural” death..