A first post.

Hello. I am new on this site.

My name is Alex, and i suffer from Bipolar, Paranoia, Schizophrenia and Social/General Anxiety.

these illnesses i carry make my life hell enough, but my home life doesn’t help it at all. My father died when i was 14, so its just been me and my mother for a while. She verbally abuses me. She screams and yells at me, calling me names and sometimes hitting me. She expects nothing but perfection from me, and if i do one thing wrong i get yelled at for hours.

Ive had 2 suicide attempts in the past. Once in 2015 and the other in 2017. Since then, my recovery has obviously not been linear. Im extremely suicidal. I have recoverd from Anorexia in the past, but i feel it clawing away at me again.

Im so numb all the time. I havent left my bed in 4 days.

Although, i so i have some good things in my life. My amazing girlfriend, Serenity. And my job. My boss understands my state of mental health and knows im not up for work all the time. It really helps. My music. My poetry. I play 5 instruments and i sing. I have filled over 20 notebooks with poems.

Those things are some of the only things keeping me alive, helping me to continue breathing.

I will share more of my story later today, for i hope that joining this site will help me. Love you ? and thanks for reading.