I just feel so alone. I know I’m not though. I have all of you here.
It’s just that I have things I can’t solve, my dreams are near impossible to reach now, I don’t even know if I have dreams anymore. Everyday pass me by and I’m just stuck watching my friends move on and trying to live their best lives ever. Nobody knows I’m planning my death, I couldn’t tell them.
Everybody thinks I’m fine when I just don’t want to tell them what goes in my mind. I couldn’t tell them.
There was a time when I thought that everyone feels as suicidal as me and brushed off my suicidality as something normal until one time I tell a neurotypical friend about it and she said, “no, I don’t think about death that much and you shouldn’t be either.”
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So, why can’t you live your dreams like you planned.
I mean what happened?
It’s same with me, I had larger than life dreams and I still believe I can achieve them, i just don’t want to.
So what’s holding you?
I just keep on missing chances and being too scared to speak about what I really want. I’d been keeping so much secrets from my family I just can’t bring myself to tell them about me or whatever I want.
I’ll admit I can’t handle rejection from my parents at all. And I don’t have the money to afford tertiary education. I feel like there’s really nothing I could do to help myself.
Chances missed have no value or importance. What’s gone is gone.
If you see chances coming your way in future, just start working for them, so that you don’t miss them.
And what kind of secrets, if you’re comfortable?
Thank you for the reply :).
I’ll see what I can do about chances coming my way.
And maybe I’ll make a post about my secrets someday.
A lot of times in life we have to make hard choices. It sounds like you have a hard choice to make between your dreams and rejection from your parents.
The easy route is never the route to take in my opinion. Hard roads are the ones that can bring us to the greatest parts of our lives.
Example: It can be hard to ask a girl out. Fear of rejection is HUGE! but a lot of girls just want a guy to ask. To show that confidence is amazingly attractive to women! It’s sadly ironic and we can easily talk ourselves out of believing truth but in our later years we will end up regretting those decisions.
Don’t be afraid….please.
i replied to your comment underneath the post. the really long reply. thank you again.
I don’t understand people who “try to live their best lives ever”
There no such thing for me as having a “good” life
At best it might be disgusting but bearable… but usually it is unbearable.
I was planning my death since 12
I’m pretty sure nobody feels that suicidal unless you are a suicide. I choose a suicide.
hey, thanksss. Really appreciate that. I’d want to try to not be afraid but I just started crying thinking about the rejection I’ll receive even when I haven’t mentioned it.
If I started talking to my parents, and they reject me I just start crying and then they refuse to talk to me like that cause I will be “shrouded by emotions” and they will say I should have a clear head when discussing matters of great importance.
My reactions were due to being rejected my whole life. My parents just never support even the little things I want to do ever since in primary school. So I just grew up thinking my parents will love me more if I do this or that that they want me to. I just end up being an utter failure and just fall deeper every time but they can’t see that. And I can’t explain how I feel.
It’s just–in my culture, parents blessing are everything. I know it’s nonsense but it’s deeply believed that you’ll get nowhere if your parents don’t agree with what you want to do. And I just I don’t know how to live unapologetically.