Dont know what to do

Today is just another day, i’m jobless without money and without energy to work, im depressed with threatment, taking paroxetine and biatrix, but not really feeling changes in my mood,ihad 2 intents of suicide and im thinking again on it, i consider myself as a sociopath or somewone with NPD, yes a manipulative person, i fear that if i fail again on another atempt, my mother and the doctors will think i get me in a psychiatric guard or something like that, im fucked up and i deserve it. Not a single piece of love here. Take care