First off, i am not doin this because i want attention. I am doin this because i need help, and i dont know how to get any help other than this. I am 14 and i have been depressed since the 3rd grade, i even started havin suicidal thoughts then. Although, now things have gotten a lot worse. I have had to take time off of school because of this. 4 sum reason i cant even focus anymore there. All i can think of anymore is puttin a gun 2 my head n pullin the trigger(and yes i have put a loaded gun 2 my head before, i even pulled the trigger once only to find out that the one time i actually pulled the trigger i forgot to put a bullet in the chamber). I dont even know what started this, but i dont think that i can take it any longer. The only reason that i am still alive right now is because i am worried aboutwhat will happen 2 my friends if i kill myself. Especially my best friend, i am worried that it would fuck him up if i kill myself because we have known eacother for almost all of our lives.I cant go and see a therapist because if my dad finds out that i have been missin school cuz i am depressed he will probably kill me the second he finds out. I am also a little afraid to talk to most of my friends about this because most of them would probably try to get my locked up in a psycho ward. So, i really dont know what to do anymore, i havent been happy with my life in years and things dont look like they are going to change anytime soon. I just feel worthless all of the time, and i am so close to killin myself right now. Im not eating, i cant sleep, and i have been getting headaches a lot. I would really appreciate any help you can give me. Also, srry that this wuz so long.
I dont want to talk about this with my teachers because they are assholes, and if i talk to my school counselor im fucked. The school counselor that i would see has a mom that is my moms best friend. So if the counselor found this out, i know that this would get back to my mom. So then my parents would probably start chasin me around with guns tryin 2 kill me. But thank you for tryin 2 help me i appreciate it.
4 comments
God, I wish I could give u a hug. I wish I could get rid of depression from everyone. I’m with u.
… I feel the same way, i am 13 and have been feeling the way you do since the 4th grade. I to always think about suicide and the only reason i have not done it is because is because of the friends and family i would leave behind. i wouldn’t want them to think it was there fault ,, because it would not have been. have you tried talking to a teacher or a school councellor? … i recently told a teacher of mine about my problems and i am now being referred to my school councellor, everything is confidential and you go to see them in school time which means your parents don’t have to know. i hope this helped just remember that your not alone and you have people like your friends, family and now me that care about you … good luck x
.. i have felt like this before everday ,
ever secondd… ive atteemmpted suicide a few times..
i can relate..
if you even need someone to talk to ..
cassiesmith7@live.ca
ill lisen
Yeah, I know how you feel. Sometimes that’s how I still feel, but things do and can get better. I know because I’m living proof of it but it takes a lot of work. So let’s see what you can do, since you say you can’t talk to your parents about how you feel, or your friends, or the school counselor, how about making a call to a local suicide hotline? They won’t know who you are and you can ask them to not to tell anyone. I know that just talking about how you feel and thinking about why this started helps a lot. Try it. There may be other things that you can try that you don’t know about yet. If you kill yourself now, you’ll never know what might have worked. Good luck and I’ll keep you in my meditations.