Well, made it through a family member’s birthday. I told myself I would not off myself on a family member’s birthday because well, it’s pretty rude to interrupt the celebrations and even ruder to force the person to associate their birthday with your death. (Am I the only one focused on timing in this regard?)
I’m preparing myself mentally and emotionally, and getting practical issues in order.
I’m fixated on the timing. how much space do I need to leave between the family member’s birthday and my death day? I guess there are no formal etiquette rules on this…something Emily Post just failed to turn her mind to…
I wanted to wait until my birthday (about a month away) but my parents intend to visit that weekend, so obviously I need to do it before then or after. And not too soon before, because that will ruin their trip…
Meanwhile the urge is getting stronger and I may not be able to wait more than another day or so anyway…but ideally I am thinking I should hold off another week, maybe two.
And yes, I realize the irony in scrutinizing the timing to avoid ruining a party or a trip but not bothering to avoid inflicting the actual grief the death would cause. One of the oddities of this frame of mind I suppose. Also, I did try hard to stay alive. I tried very hard for a very long time. And I can’t anymore. So I’m just trying to mitigate the damage that I leave behind. Which is probably foolish because it may well be something that cannot be mitigated.
2 comments
I too face the same problem. I don’t want to kill myself on a family members birthday. From June to July I will be open. So I’m going to do it sometime during those months
I have to wait a minimum of 17yrs for my little ones to grow. I have until then to make things come out as accidental.