When I’m happy, I often worry and get anxious that it wouldn’t last long.
Depriving myself of the pleasure of that moment. But I can’t seem to help it, past experience has always proved to me that my short moments of happiness swiftly follow with long painful experiences. It happens so often I have run out of fingers and toes to count.
Perhaps there are just people in the world whose jobs it is to absorb all the pain and suffering. Perhaps I am just one of those people who will never truly experience long periods of happiness.
Voice within my head : “Be positive, be optimistic. That’s what you say to others. Why not try it on yourself”.
Me : Let’s be pessimistic, it’s always been true. It’s always the case for me. I’m just tired of being tired you know.
Voice within my head : “Give it a chance! Perhaps this time it will be different. Perhaps this time things will really change and if they don’t there’s always a next time”.
Me : I’m so very tired……… I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks like this but when will things really change for me. I’m not asking for much. I just want to be normal. I don’t want have to fake a smile in order to seem normal and save face. I want to smile because I am truly happy. I guess I might have to just keep waiting…
1 comment
Yes I feel the same. It’s like you can push everything out of your mind temporarily at best, but it’s still there in the very back of your head. And then after it comes crashing back and it feels so much worse.