Will it fade or just level out?

  May 4th, 2018 by mo992

When I’m happy, I often worry and get anxious that it wouldn’t last long.

Depriving myself of the pleasure of that moment. But I can’t seem to help it, past experience has always proved to me that my short moments of happiness swiftly follow with long painful experiences. It happens so often I have run out of fingers and toes to count.

Perhaps there are just people in the world whose jobs it is to absorb all the pain and suffering. Perhaps I am just one of those people who will never truly experience long periods of happiness.

Voice within my head : “Be positive, be optimistic. That’s what you say to others. Why not try it on yourself”.

Me : Let’s be pessimistic, it’s always been true. It’s always the case for me. I’m just tired of being tired you know.

Voice within my head : “Give it a chance! Perhaps this time it will be different. Perhaps this time things will really change and if they don’t there’s always a next time”.

Me : I’m so very tired……… I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks like this but when will things really change for me. I’m not asking for much. I just want to be normal. I don’t want have to fake a smile in order to seem normal and save face. I want to smile because I am truly happy. I guess I might have to just keep waiting…

 

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