It was about time. I missed those days. The days where I drowned myself in depressing instrumental music. Where I cried myself to sleep three months straight. Why? because it was the only way I can feel. For the past year it was nothing but numbness, emptiness. Things changed for a while and I seemed hopeful but that was short lived. Good things never last anyways. Past week I’ve been monitoring my stress levels with my new phone. Turns out I’m almost always stressed out with my stress levels being on the red bar which I find odd since It felt like a normal regular day. Really makes you think.
Today Something bad happen and like always I’ve been put as the bad guy. I think I’ve lost my online “friends” now. kicked/banned from a server today where they they seemed to be active on even though it was a fairly new server. Group DMs have been dry this week and so far my conversations ended as soon as I started them. Maybe tomorrow my phone will go crazy from this one guy who would most likely demand answers on what happened today, but other than that it’ll be a dry/dead conversations with them in the long run. It was fun while it lasted. Goes back to the old saying “Good things never last”.
Tomorrow I can only work two hours or I’ll go over my limit, you may think its a good thing but it isn’t. my only co-worker is on vacation overseas and I have a fair bit for tomorrow meaning that I may have to do some hours without getting paid.
Also I have some documents due the 1st or else I can’t go to school. Doesn’t bother me, because I’ve never thought about my future. Ever since freshman year in highschool. But the bad thing is that If I don’t submit those forms then I can’t work, since my school employs me and I need the money to travel so I can get that sweet ol’ ******** so I can’t lose it.
But other than that, I’m back to my old ways which is good since it proves that I’m still human.
1 comment
I hated working at my last job without getting paid, and that was to help stock at the end of the night. For most of a shift, though… Ugh.
There’s a certain cold comfort in self loathing, even though it’s nothing good.. same for the familiarity of a spiral. Ive faced those extremes, but never for long shifts.. I hope there’s a middle ground somewhere. Even though those stress levels are your normal, do you know if any thing could be diminished?
Nothing ever lasts, period. Some things just cycle in and out.