My parents have been visiting for about a week now, and are leaving in the next day or two.
Today my aunt and my mom talked to me about my mental health, how they wanted me to get into therapy and go to school/work, and how they didn’t want me to make the same mistakes they did. It makes me really upset in a way I don’t know how to explain.
Why do I have to do better than them? I gradiated High School, I’m already doing better than my mother ever did. I don’t do drugs and I don’t have an abusive husband, and I’m not a prostitute, so I already do better than my aunt. Why do I have to achieve something?
I’ve been doing some political things but she says that’s not enough, because politics will just turn me into a “mean” person. I can’t stand it, really…
3 comments
I get politics – it can be blinding, especially if you start arguing party lines instead of individual topics but that’s just how systems tend to be. The rest of it just sound’s like they want you to be far better than them. They want you to thrive and actualize the potential they feel you have. They have regrets, and wish they had the opportunies you have and don’t want you to squander them.
Those “I’m already doing better than” statements are pretty low-blows xD but I get what you’re saying.
I’d recommend just bluntly saying that you don’t plan to waste your potential, but that you also want to be happy and do what you want. Agree to disagree. Move on as best you can. Take the high road and focus on your own life, for you. Acknowledge and understand what they say, and the advice they give; but make up your own mind. Not because of them, and definitely not to spite them. You need to do it for yourself, and follow your heart, for you.
My family is full of depressed, burned-out losers. The “doing better than” statements are what I heard my whole life. “Don’t be like me, I…”
Just being around my parents makes me cringe. I admire both in their own ways — my dads resolve and strength and knowledge of the trades. My mom, well she is who she is there. But just being around them their energy and soul ties reattach and I feel their fear, their closemindedness and their toxicity.
Its an invisible world. Just sucks me into their issues. Honestly, wait it out and in a few days you’ll feel their expectations and stupid comments shake off of you and your own sense of direction return. Just let it come from inside and let their opinions fall by the wayside the next week.