Human

Jeez….it’s no wonder why i feel like a robot. I lost my sense of being human. Humans are more complex than trees or even the most sophisticated program. To simply live is boring and empty. Sure i can just eat food, drink water, sleep, etc. But why just do that until death? I suppose it isn’t wrong that I want some excitement in life. Something a little different today to stimulate my other human emotions. Even if its simply choosing the bus over driving today. Maybe today I decide to join in on a joke. I got so caught up trying to only be “productive” that I ended up neglecting my other human needs which as a result actually ended up being counter-productive by depressing me. For these past few months i have only worked and slept. I refused hanging out with my friends, I refused celebrations, I even refused crying or getting angry. I felt shame for feeling emotion in fear of becoming some reckless savage. I watched a movie recently and it was similar to what I was feeling these past months. I believe it’s called “Equilibrium”. If you’re struggling with the same as me then i think this movie can enlighten you too. Pretty much i was suppressing my feelings and emotions in fear of becoming something bad.

I failed to realize that negative emotions aren’t bad on their own,  it’s the actions one takes afterwards that dictate whether its bad or not. It’s okay to feel sad and cry but holding it in can make us very depressed and suicidal. Feelings are ok because they are natural.