I really need to talk and tell everything , even if nobody noticed .
when i was 10 years old my first period came and i was so sad that i grew up and now ( since im muslim ) i’ll have to wear proper clothes and hijab , i didn’t tell my mother for like 4 or 5 months .
one day my mom knew and i still don’t know how she found it out . I made her promise me and swear to god that she wont tell my grandma , 2 hours later i found a facebook post from my grandma saying ” we have a new women in our family ” ( she meant that i became a women ) and 2000 likes and comments were left on that post , I got so shocked cause all the comments had my name in them .
since that day i hated my mother and never told her anything in my life wich made me so sad cause every one around can’t hide anything from their mothers …. anyways i became so sad and tired by time but music used to make me feel like i wasn’t me .. i am a happy person living in another world it made me ignore all my terrible feeling .. and as happy as i get while listening to music as angrier as my mother gets she feels like i should stop listening and be more religious and since then i knew that religion ( especially islam ) is just a lie to make them feel like they have a purpose in life .. allah wants them to not feel happy in life because he is promising them with a happy ending ( what a lie ?)… sometimes i get a feeling that what’s happening to me ( from depression to bad marks and insecurity .. actually every thing in my life was bad then ) was because of god, i thought that he is mad at me but then i watched some ( sharif jaber ) videos which made me believe everything i am living and used to believe in is a big lie … i cried my heart out that day because I’m wasting my life in stupid thing .. five years later and im still struggling from depression and deep sadness and everything is wrong in my life .. i want to run away and have a happy life .. i want to have at least one short jeans and a ripped jeans in my life … i want to wear a bikini at least one time in my miserable life , i really want to go to parties and concerts .. my dream is to celebrate and party like theres no tomorrow i want to have fun .. i am wasting my youthness .
and until now since i was 10 i am commiting suicide i feel like thats the only thing that i can do
4 comments
religion is a scourge.
you should do what you please. your mother did give you a life, but she can’t dictate how you should live it.
if your family wants to believe in that religion, let them do so. but you have no obligation to do the same. we are all born the same and we have the same rights. we are not born into a religion or a way to live.
people brainwash kids into religions because kids will believe everything and it has a big chance to stay carved in their minds. I should know, my mom lived under communism as a child.
well, islam isn’t as bad as communism but, in the end it’s all just big lies.
no human should live a life they don’t want.
also, I think your mom was really proud of your when you had your first period, that’s why she rushed into telling her own mother. it came from a good intention.
How hard is it to leave your country? 🙁
I’m American and I even want to live mine but it’s probably worse living in yours, no offense… I mean, givrn what you said too though…
And a lot of it is based on religion too, huh? Despite their so called good intentions, there’s all these “intolerances” to things that don’t even seem bad… or thst bad… it could even be good or natural, like sexuality, idk.
And it’s like, why is that bad like it’s bad to murder and steal? Why is war okay but not murder?
I hope you can leave and live somewhere nice.
I remember my own mom snooped through my diary as a teen then sent me to a mental hospital for drugs and um… instead of helping me herself… and with all the side effects it might have and away from home and being able to play albeit asay from school which gave me the depression if not family in general…
This was before I reallt got on the net though.
i am thinking of running away but after all where will i go ? I’m living in ksa and here my parents can throw me in jail without a good reason !!!
I think most can agree religion is a narrative people try to live their lives by to find meaning so they can feel entitled to a privileged afterlife. A fictional being in the sky, human race is both controlling and ridiculous.
You and only you can say how you live your life. Don’t let ANYONE take that away from you. Live by it like a mantra. You can live a good life with out confirming to those expectations. It’s a shame family are often this way, find ways to support yourself and ditch they asses (if needs be)when you make decisions for yourself: not based on Allah, not based on your family or the expectations of men(because patriarchy is what it’s all about) .. based on your needs and dreams.