Where are we now N

The world is extremely big and extremely scary. I often find myself wondering if I fit at all in it. You look at yourself and you wonder how it got as bad as it did. You kind of know the answer already, but it still happens. It keeps turning and turning and you have to think to yourself that maybe this wasn’t the best it could have been. You look at the results and you say. Wow. Ok. The thing is, maybe you don’t deserve it. Maybe it is what it is and you just have to say “yeah ok”. I think that the worst scenario really is if you keep going. You just have to fold and say yeah, this wasn’t for me. I think the worst thing about all this is how they pinned their hope on you. How you thought for a second that maybe you could do this and make everyone proud. That’s the thing though. You could. You just chose not to. It’s strange in retrospect. You had the cards and you have the means and you had the time, you just chose not to use any of them. You chose to hide and close your ears and say no no no no no no no no no no no. This really is for the best when you think about it. You don’t deserve anything else than what you got. Maybe not even that. Maybe the best thing to do is to tell them and say yeah. I’m a fuck up. I didn’t make it. Yeah I guess.