About me:
-31 year old male
-Never had a girlfriend in my entire life, nor have I ever felt affection by a woman
-Never had any friends in my entire life. Although I always treated people nice, for some reason they all have been avoiding me.
-Not good at anything, nor do I have any skills at all. Still living with my parents, and being jobless my entire life.
-On top of depression I have health issues that get worse with each passing year
I’m so tired of my life. I desperately need it to end. The only reason that stops me from killing myself are my parents. I don’t want to hurt them, even though I inherited my mental issues from them. People like my parents should never ever have kids.
Some time ago there was another reason that prevented me from killing myself, and that was the fear of going to hell, but I recently stopped believing in hell. No loving God would send his creations to be tormented forever, because no sin however great deserves an infinite punishment.
I’m just so tired of my life. God, please provide me any kind of relief :'(
10 comments
I hope you find some sort of escape or relief. It sounds like you’ve been focused on the issues and what is lacking alot, which is exhausting and painful. The belief is something though, God and faith are something similar to hope. The hope is that they can provide relief, or that you can stop just surviving and start thriving. It’s a journey to get to that though. I just hope you feel a little less solitary on the journey, I’ve been on it for awhile.
Sucks to be Me is also a decent song off the Avenue Q soundtrack. Another song from that musical that helps me is “For Now”. The concept for that song is that everything in life is only for now. I need the reminder, it seems eternal when I’m hurting.
I feel that I’m not good at anything either and that I have no skills. I live with my mum. I consider myself self employed I guess.
Anyway re friends, I don’t have many of them. I’m sorry you don’t have any. ‘Real’ friends are extremely difficult to make. So maybe mine are more like acquaintance/friend kinda thing. Idk.
Anyway I just want to say that I read your post and I’m sorry for the predicament that you are in. Well I hope my comment wasn’t offensive in any way.
Don’t worry. You comment wasn’t offensive in any way.
I’m in a similar situation as you:
-33 years old
-jobless
-friendless
-depressed
What stops me from ending it is my gf of 13 years. She’s been very supportive of me through all this time but even then I don’t know how long that will last. She’s been the one who has kept me from imploding mentally through all these years. Were it not for her, I would’ve already ended it or ended up in a monastery to become a monk never to be seen again.
I wish I had a GF for the last 13 years. I bet if I had I would feel much less suicidal than I feel right now. Too bad women never found me atractive in my entire life, so a GF is out of the question for me.
I understand your feelings and your situation.
I have no friends either. I wish i could be your friend..
We all wish we were friends here. Too bad we’re all separated thousands of miles apart.
People like us are proof that life never gets better for some people. Once you reach a certain age (for me it was 35), you stop clinging onto false hope that you’re simply a late-bloomer and are forced to accept that some of your dreams and desires are just never going to happen.
The only thing that keeps me going anymore is saving up for a rural home or wilderness cabin. I found out that I am capable of being happy — just not around other people and certainly not in this increasingly hostile and judgmental society. If, for some reason, I’m unable to make this “backup lifestyle” happen, then the only option left is to blow my head off with a shotgun because I can’t see myself continuing this lonely, depressing existence into my 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. I would rather be dead than be forced to live in a city or suburb where I’m constantly reminded of what I’ve been missing out on my entire life.
How old are you by the way? Yeah, some things don’t get better. I’ve been a recluse since November 2016 (I will never forget that day when my friends betrayed me) and fast forward two years later I’m still jobless and friendless with no one around to even hang out with me. I don’t know what to do anymore. This life of mine is a joke and were it not for my girlfriend I would’ve ended it already.
I turned 36 a few months ago.
As you get older, it becomes harder to make new friends and retain the ones you have. Over the past decade, seemingly everyone I used to know has gotten married, became parents, relocated to different parts of the country, climbed the corporate ladder, or committed suicide. They have left me in the dust and have no time me anymore. The only contacts I have anymore, outside of my immediate family, are a former co-worker who’s decades older than me and an online friend who lives on the other side of the world. Even as an introvert, I get lonely from time to time, especially when I am surrounded by people living much better lives — who have no problem rubbing it in my face. I reckon it wouldn’t be so bad if I lived on the fringes of civilization where I could spend my time being alone instead of lonely like I am now.