I have lived the most intense negative emotions and l am amazed that a human being can live them while alive
My mind is so fucked up
I have struggled so much, l’m tired, l need to stop it
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You’d be surprised what you can live through. Really that’s a theme of suicidality, I don’t think common humans know how hard it is to kill someone, especially self.
Though I find the image of myself as a survivor a powerful positive help. It’s my desire to fight versus the depression, and framing it like that makes me want to fight.
Also not all negative emotions qualify as “psyache”, stress, anger, sadness, on their own even severely are different than the pain of anguish, I’m working on inventory for emotions.
I agree. I share your amazement. I had long wanted to die just to show I did not have to endure any more of those intense negative emotions. I used to get pissed when a mental health worker would congratulate me for surviving. I saw surviving as a lamentable weakness.
I know how you feel. I’ve never experienced a positive emotion. My goal was to end my life the day or week I turned 18. I am now 24 and I can’t believe I just haven’t ended my life already! That is almost SEVEN years. Every moment has been mortifyingly dreadful. I hate this town and these folk, I can’t believe how vile and detestful they all are. God I’ve been praying every night that I get the courage soon, very very soon to end my life so I don’t have to live in such misery. I don’t know how to do it I always feel like I am being watched and followed. I know Its like one day I’ll get the courage and be ready and then it’s like a leech will suck all the strength out of me making me unable to do what is best for me and end my life….
I try so so hard to separate myself from such dreadful bullsh*t so when I am ready I don’t get bogged down and can finally be free and commit.