Remembering You..

When I think about you I get sick. I feel myself wanting to crawl out of my own skin. I want to scratch myself out from the inside. I would do anything to get you out of my head and out of my heart. I hate what you have done too me. I hate that I get scared or cry because of you. I know I am safe but my mind can not escape you. I hate you so much, I hate everything you did. It has been almost 2 years since you decided you could do what you did. Since you thought you could win. You do not dare deserve a place, but fuck dude you are the one who decided to make the wound. This scar will always be here, the one I blame myself for each and everyday. I wish I could scream at you. I wish you new how much that year hurt. I hope you think twice before you manipulate and hurt someone else. I hope you think about what happened here, what you did. I feel so empty, I feel so worthless. I can not always pretend that you didn’t hurt me, that what you did to me that year didn’t suck. I exposed myself, I showed a side of myself I  only trusted you with. You have ruined me forever, you have taught me how to hold my walls up and when I think I trust, only to build up a higher and stronger one. I think about what you did too me all the time. When will wanting to go for a drive late at night or eating soft serve by the beach , going to  a lake or seeing the sunset in the mountains make me NOT think of you.

I will always blame myself, I will only wish I had never became your friend that year or let you did what you did. I hope this haunts you forever. Fuck, you know I write here, I hope you see this. I hope you know I hate you you. You hurt me, I will never forget that.