Lately I’ve started to lose myself an everything I had always believed in. Like, I truely don’t know where my head is at anymore… And at the rate I’m going, I’m not only hurting myself, but also those around me. If I didn’t already hate myself enough before, I certainly have more reasons to now. People are telling me I’m changing and I don’t know how to feel or act about, I’m just lost.
I was already on the verge of death recently and had started to find no joy in anything I do anymore. I had been ditching school a fair bit the past month and my mum found out. Her, my dad and step dad had a big talk to me about everything and honestly I was ready to scream “I fucking hate myself, I hate it here in this house and in this world”. But I didn’t. Instead take what they are disappointedly saying to me… I have to have a meeting with my school counsellor, my year level leader and my parents on Thursday and I am not at all ready for it. On top of all this, I got a message from my boss saying I need to speak with her and I may be losing my job. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing with myself anymore and it’s all catching up to me. I can’t handle feeling this way. Feeling so empty, unhappy and completely lost.
8 comments
I’m sorry for your feelings, lectured by your family, job isn’t working out. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, your family wouldn’t give you the big talk unless they did love you. Seems like you hate the tough love, but every family that cares has that. And your job? If you did lose it, there’s always another one.
Thanks, and you’re right that I’m not one for tough love. I didn’t end up losing my job thankfully.
“lose myself an everything I had always believed in” like what’s that?
You can turn everything around if you want, but you have to want to.
It means that I waa disregarding all my past values and the things that made me me had changed enough for people to notice. Yes, I can turn things around but sometimes its easier said than done.
I’ve been waiting to kill myself for 13 years. So I’m just kind of hanging around here until I do. I don’t have any relationships and I’ve always been completely alone. So it’s funny to me how you say stuff like you were yelling at your parents
That’s really unfortunate and I hate to hear that. I get where you’re coming from but everybody experiences pain in different ways and levels.
You should let someone know how you’re feeling. If it’s your parents you tell just try to find a better way to say it than that. Remember that we all tend to react with emotions rather than rationality and hearing that you hate everything might hurt their feelings.
I suggest letting everything out when you talk to your counselor. Just ramble if you have too. Stand up and pace if it helps you get it out. They will have a bit more distance from what emotions you might stir up and they should have some ability to direct you further.
Good luck and try to relax a bit.
Thankyou for this, I didn’t say anything at the meeting because my parents and teacher was there but im having a talk to him soon and think I will have to let things out slowly…