People usually plan how to die and attempt it, I’ve done that too. But this is different and a true story.
It’s was about 2 years ago the world was after me! My work working 12 hr’s a day 6 days a week, a relationship going south, plus a billion other thing’s, I WAS DRINKING HEAVY, TAKING OPIOIDS For a good length of time. The opioids were for my back for real, I was tired, I got into the shower turned on the hot water that’s the only thing that helped my back, And suddenly I felt funny? I felt sick, I COULDN’T BREATH! So I started to open the door then I collapsed down for the count, I fell on the shower door tracks very sharp it cut me across my chest 2 lines, I came out of it but couldn’t get up and couldn’t see I was blind, I CRAWLED with my arms slowly to my bed, It took anything in my power to pull myself on to it, still blind and heart was hurting, I KNEW I WAS DYING! I said to myself well here I go, The phone was right there, I didn’t call 911, by this time my girlfriend at the time came in said OMG! What happened! Are you OK? Should I CALL 911? I couldn’t talk but I SAID I’M OK, DON’T CALL! In a weak voice It took everything I had to do that, I said I’m just sick go away I’ll be fine, For a guy dying I put on a good act, I can’t believe she bought it, So I kept saying I’m fine go away I need rest and I can’t do that with you here asking questions, She listened to me and went down stairs, Then I STARTED TO SWEAT! I was ringing wet, I started heaving nothing came out, The pain grew stronger, Still blind light-headed to say the least I thought to myself well this is it! I was ready to die, I didn’t think of my life flashing before my eye’s, I didn’t pray to god, I was at peace knowing I was going to go, Suddenly the pain started to go away, I started to feel better, I began to see, And I said to myself, OH SHIT I’M COMING BACK! SOB! And I did slowly but surely But I was disappointed and couldn’t believe it. So I told my sister the next day, she said go to the doctor now! OK OK! Well if you go through something like this they run all kinds of test, I had a small heart attack, I say small because it didn’t kill me, My heart does not beat correctly, So this is a funny part as well, The doctor puts the stethoscope on my chest looks me in the eye and very seriously ask DOES THAT HURT! I said what? He said well if that doesn’t bother you lets not mess with it, Lets keep monitoring you, More appointments till I SAID THAT’S ENOUGH! And quit going. My heart does beat really fast for a bit everyday then goes away. But the point is because I refused help and knew I was dying would you consider it a suicide attempt?
16 comments
Well sir, there are a number of papers written on this very subject. There is even a group of psychologists referred to as liaison psychologists who may be asked to figure out whether people refusing medical care are making a medical choice or attempting suicide. I know I can’t tell if you were making an attempt or not but it certainly could have been. I know if I had been in your condition I would have wanted to be left alone to ride it out. I have my advance directive all filled in except for the required witness signatures and it pretty much says to medical personnel, “let me be.” The advance directive appears entirely likely to keep shrinks out of the picture.
Thanks for commenting, the only reason I refused medical treatment was because I wanted to die and was ready. I’m glad I didn’t die now 2 years later. Still I’m not afraid of it, that makes me wonder what would I do today? That just crossed my mind?
What you would do today would be informed by the relationships you now have with people or pets. Also it might be informed by whether you do or don’t want the medical industry involved in that aspect of your life.
Well just answered it, I would get help now, I know it’s strange but my cats are very important to me, what would happen to them? They are my children, Funny however at that time they didn’t cross my mind? I WAS TO BUSY DYING!!! 🙂
Do you consider it a suicide attempt? I generally don’t like labeling things for other people mostly because it upsets me when people do that to things for me. -_- Like when I told my counselor that I had taken almost two entire bottles of my pills he was very convinced that it was an attempt when it wasn’t…. I knew it was unlikely to kill me, even when going in I just was hoping that it would hurt me. That was very strange sleep though. A heart attack does not at all sound fun, I’m sorry that you had to deal with that.
Thanks shatterediris,
I was waiting till later to say that! YES IT WAS A suicide attempt one that wasn’t planed, The heart attack thing doesn’t bother me, I know a lot of people when that happens it changes their whole lives, I haven’t changed anything, but I do drink less and I reduced medications to nothing , but that’s really because I don’t need them as much. Yeah thanks but everyone gets their turn in the barrel, but one good thing I took away from it was I’m not afraid of it “Death”
Okay then I would consider it a suicide attempt then.
Also I really hope that I don’t have a heart attack, it seems stressful and could just interrupt what I am doing…. I really want to be in control when I die. It is good though to not be afraid of death.
Yes your right I was not in control and it happen so quick I had no idea what was happening. I still take showers, but the first few times I wondered if It would happen again. I got over it.
I don’t know how I lived through it Really? When I starting to come back I was really surprised .
we are actually surprisingly resilient creatures…. People can survive a lot. Which kind of sucks in a way, but I’m very happy that you survived xD we wouldn’t have Rocketman then…. Also are you going to watch Rocketman?
Really Thanks , Yep we are a lot tougher than we think! resilient creatures…. say’s it best I like that!
Yes I’ll watch Rocketman , I made major changes in my life I knew I had to make before that happened, but I made them a lot faster, you always make me think! I guess it was sort of a wake up call if I kept doing what I doing it’s going to kill me, so that’s something else that was good about it. Working way to hard and stressing way to much might be OK for a period of time but you have to put the brakes on before it takes it’s toll on you or your resilience may go Kaput!
I dont think it matters tbh the question is do you want to be dead right now, if u do then there is your answer
Thanks for responding,
To answer your question things have changed so no. It doesn’t matter now I was just sharing a story. But your question reminds me of something I left out, there is a moral of the story think twice things could change.
Rocketman I wouldn’t call it a suicide attempt, and here’s my explanation. I’ve read a lot of your posts and you’re probably the most positive person on here. Maybe you were different 2 years ago, but overall I don’t think people’s personalities change that much. Your core is to be a fighter.
I think what you experienced was a lapse in strength. It wasn’t so much an active attempt to die as it was more like “whatever I’m so tired of fighting I’ll just let it happen” and trust me I know how that feels. Believe it or not, when I’m not on this site I’m a really positive person. But sometimes you just sorta run out of steam and fall hard.
What would a psychiatrist say? They’d probably say yes it was a suicide attempt. But that’s just how it looks on paper. I think the real answer depends on who you are. Was your act “in character” with who you really are? again no one really knows except you, but from where I’m sitting I don’t think it was. The alcohol, pills and exhaustion just shut you down temporarily. I’m sure if you ever get to the point where you really want to kill yourself, you’ll do it (unfortunately that’s the downside of being a “fighter”, you do everything full force). I’m hoping you never get back to that point because even if it wasn’t a conscious attempt,things could have gone differently and you’re damn lucky!!!!!
the end, Darn you are so right! You should be a psychiatrist! You actually made me feel a lot better, Thank you! I was incoherent going through that so weak so tired ready to throw in the towel.
Well they say psychiatrists are the nuttiest bunch so maybe I missed my calling. Good to know you’re feeling better, and even if you go through another weakness like that, it’s ok because even not even lions can be strong all the time. I read somewhere that they sleep 20 hours a day :p
Thank you, your very kind! 🙂