ok, I’m 39. I met this girl 12 years ago. I fell in love with her from the SECOND we met. She became my everything. We dated, and married. I love her completely. But, she was mean! Always so very mean to me. I never measured up…Her name is Kathy…
So, I moved from Colorado to Ohio to be with her…We married and lived in Ohio for 5 years. Then we had our first child. I love that child Sophia. Kathy was always so mean to me though. But I’m telling you I loved her! Well anyway, we had our second child 3 years later…this would be 7 years into our marriage..I was mean back. I will not lie. After being treated like crap, you tend to fight back. Anyway…Now it’s the 11th year and she’s cheating on me…OMG, she probably cheated on me SEVERAL times, but I did not know it…
Anyway, it’s the President of the hospital she works for. He makes ALOT of money…And was having sex with him for several months. HE wanted sex. SHE wanted a relationship. She destroyed our family to be with him…only he didn’t want her.. So, My love gone. My life gone…It;s been 1 1/2 years and I can’t stop thinking about her…
I was planning to kill myself tonight…Gun to throat…40 cal. and it’s hard, I’m not going to lie. It’s soo hard. I’ve been practising for MONTHS but it never seems to happen… She–She doesn’t give a shit…I hoped and waited all night for her to call me…for her to show me ANYTHING… It’s a long story and I’ve left out soo much. But suffice it to say, She and everyone around me know how serious I am. And she didn’t call. Part of me does not want to die alone. Part of me wants her to be here when it happens..
See, I have the transcript of her and this guy…It’s long. and she’s crying to a friend about how much she loved him. about the sex and him talking dirty to her… and I’m left holding the bag. I weight lift and am actually in really good physical condition. But this NEW guy she’s dating is ever stronger and BIGGER than me. and he makes more money too…
I’ve dated lots of girls but none measure up to Kathy… well one did, but she rejected me too..I don’t blame her though. Teresa, is a good girl. She’s just messed up too. I came on too hard and too fast with her…But Honestly, I just want Kathy. and, she doesn’t give a FUCK about me…it kills me…
so, why can I NOT pull the trigger? I want to so badly…I cannot tell you how many nights I fall asleep and dream about me and her being back together…only to wake up and realize that it’s never going to happen…
Give me the strength to pull the trigger…
I should mention that A) I have zero friends. B) I’m home every night, no one calls me. C) I’m outta money. D) I drink alot…anymore.Which I NEVER did in the marriage..
54 comments
You cannot pull the trigger because you still have hope. You still want to live.
thats sad :C.
Do you still see your kids? How are they doing with the divorce? I know it’s hard and it sucks. It’s shitty and it’ll probably hurt for a really long time but you can’t leave those kids. They need someone to be there for them and if Kathy is this manipulative person that she seems to be, they’ll need you even more. I was terrified that my father was going to kill himself when my parents divorced and it would have destroyed me.
Put the gun away. Better yet, get rid of it. See your kids, see a professional. You can get your life back together. You CAN live without her. In the end, the ***** will be sorry she left. On another note, if she’s willing to leave you for someone with more money, she’ll be willing to do it again. Never take her back. It will hurt and you will hate everything, even yourself, but don’t do it.
If you want someone to talk to, feel free to email me. scarswithmarshmellows@hotmail.com
But why do I have hope?? I mean if I could have u read the transcript, and now with her friends and boyfriend… She’ll never take me back…I live in a state where I have no family or friends… I spend my days alone.. No one calls me, texts me or anything! I used to have it so together. I read a lot. Was going to be a preacher… My faith is gone, all the girls I’ve slept with pale in comparison to Kathy… I just can’t live without her…
And I know this isnt going to change… It’s been this way1 1/2 years! It’s just not going to change.. 🙁
I was a virgin when I married her, she was my first and only love.. At 25. Im not a bad looking guy, I’m told by girls that I’m hot, quite a bit.. But it seems like the ones that actually attract me, don’t notice me. I dunno what to do… I have a pit in my stomach every day… I am now getting panic attacks at night…panicking that I’m drowning in my own loneliness… Kathy’s off having fun… While I sit and cry. I’ve tried to go out. Meet people. Be happy and thankful… I just keep coming back to This place. Kathy acts like I don’t even exist… She used to love me so much! Now I’m like garbage to her!
I should add, she’s super beautiful too. Like dark long hair, very pretty face, beautiful body… Always dressing sexy abd snappy. Funny she never wore skirts for me. Now she wears skirts to torture me
Ok, the FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO DO RIGHT NOW is burn that transcript. It is an instrument of torture and you need to stop reading it. You also have to delete her number, email, whatever contact you have with her. You are putting all your stock in someone you can’t rely on, and you need to remove the temptation to do so.
Next… can I suggest internet dating? Meeting new people? Really, there are so many lonely hearts out there, you’d be suprised. My dad remarried when he was about 45. My friend’s father is dating again, he’s about 50. My friend is a bit annoyed by it… he says it’s weird watching your 50yr old dad acting like a bloody 16 year old in love. It’s possible, and probable, for anyone with love to give, to find love again.
Yeah I know I should burn it. I have kids so I have to see her everyday almost. Which sucks cause when she needs me… I’m there. When I need her… She tells me she doesn’t have time… Makes me sick. She blamed the divorce on me cause 6 years ago she caught me looking at porn. We weren’t having sex and it was killing me… She said I broke her trust… Then I found out she was cheating on me. Emotionally and sexually. Of course they NEVER had sex.. Lol the only woman I loved… And the transcript she’s telling her friend (cause Greg dumped her when she became serious about the divorce) that he liked to get her alone and talk dirty… And that he got all he wanted outta the relationship… And oh yeah Greg! I’m the slut cause maybe I just wanted to have sex with u…
I know I need to burn it. But I can’t.
I’ve done lots of Internet dating… It’s just that when Kathy is the baseline for every woman, no one measures up. Well Teresa did. But I think I scared her away with my… You make me the happiest person alive comments, and all age wanted to do was joke around and have fun.
Other than that Internet dating is hard… I am so particular with women… Kathy is perfect to me and no one else measures up god!!! Why do I think that way???
I just can’t stop dwelling on this… A year and a half and it’s STILL all I think about! When I’m with other girls I’m thinking about Kathy… When I have my kids I’m only think about who Kathy is sleeping with! When I’m alone all I do is dwell on how to get her back, or talk about suicide, or tell the same god damned story over and over and over to whoever will listen.
I’m sorry people… It just consumes me and I don’t know how to stop it. Councelors haven’t helped, family hasn’t helped.., no friends out side of work. Nothin
Kathy sounds like a whore. There are so many nicer people, it’s a shame.
Dont approach internet dating with the view to have a relationship – first use it to make friends, male or female. I suspect you’ve been with Kathy for so long that you’ve forgotten how to relate to other women that’s why you chased the other one away. So just get used to being around people again, having coffee, that sort of thing.
Maybe part of the problem is being surrounded by things that remind you of her. If you can’t burn that transcript (which… why the hell do you have it anyway???), maybe take a few weeks off and go somewhere COMPLETELY different, leave your phone at home, just get some distance, time for YOU.
Oh the transcript… Everyone said she was cheating on me.. I didn’t believe it, then one weekend she told me to take the kids to her parents, the WHOLE weekend drew! Have a blast ! Well I put voice activated recorders in the car, house erc. The only one that worked was the one in the car. Boy I got an ear full.. Which I painstaking write down every word I could understand. Honestly, I’m sorry it did it cause up until then I was actually fine..
Teresa she was an old friend, just got out of an abusive relationship herself and we were both trying to heal each other…during that process I realized that I loved her. And im a very expressionate guy… I mean she played her part too. She’d hold my hand, when people would call us a couple, she wouldn’t tell them no. When we’d hit the bars we’d slow dance and even grind… So, I felt that she was starting to also have feelings too… Maybe she did at one point… But she’s not texted me in a week, which is semi normal. But this time she shot me a quick email… And I replied with a friggen book!! And then. Nothin…
Oh and crazy, I take my kids to school each morning, I saw Kathy too. I told her I still loved her and that I think deep down she still loved me too. She didn’t say anything back, she had to get to work. It made me feel good, but honestly, I know what her response is going to b… If she even responds at all.
Dude… At this point even I am sick of hearing about Kathy.
You really need to get away, get some distance. Kathy can take the kids for a while, or family, but you need some time out.
And, I maintain, you should be looking for friends, not companionship. I don’t think you’re ready to date, let alone be in a relationship. You need to remember who YOU are. Sounds like you are defining yourself by who you’re with.
Ha! I know right. She consumes me! Absolutly consumes me.
Yes, I am defined by her, sad but true, she really is everything to me..god I know it’s stupid, but in my heart I only want her… I know my family a year and a half! I’m drive them nuts too…
Yeah, I do need friends, but when I get them… Guess what I talk about? I’ll give u one guess… Which is why I don’t know how to break free.
Well I know 1 way..
Yeah, I also should add, girls like to date me. I’ve broken up with them though! Every one after 2-3 months… I’m like, yeah, you’re not the one in looking for..
I know, Teresa was a friend and I shoulda kept it that way.. Fora while anyway
Oh and time with kids and distance would b good… At least I know she’s not with anyone when the kids r around. That’s one thing I know for sure.
Moms begging me to come to az for a while… But like, I’m broke!
You are a kicked puppy. You have battered wife syndrome (no, it’e not limited to women). You need to exorcise this person from your life.
1. Give everyone you know permission to slap you if you mention the K word in a context that doesn’t involve the kids (not just permission – it’s their duty to slap you!)
2. Entrust someone to come to your house and remove every article associated with her. That might be everything. Too bad.
3. Any new person you meet, for ever time you mention the K word to them, you must then do 20 pushups. Then and there, no procrastinating. You may explain the reason for the pushups to them, but you must also do 20 more pushups for each subsequent time you mention the K word.
Good luck with the exorcism. I hope it turns out better than the movie.
***** on the pedistill syndrome
It’s crazy the kind of shit women can put a man through and not even know it. Don’t even try to argue that point either cause every man on the face of the earth goes through it. Women just have a power over us they’ll never know about. But you, from what it sounds like, need to man the fuck up, Bro, not just for yourself, but for the sake of men all over who have gotten their hearts completely destroyed by their dream girls (me included). You need get your fucking manhood back.
One, kick the shit out of the guy shes with, that fool needs to die for fuckin with your girl, there ain’t no excuse on that one. He needs to go.
Two, drop the girl. You may love her but she’s done, too. She broke your fuckin heart, and no matter how much it hurts you gotta let her go.
Three, stop being selfish and thinking of yourself, killin yourself because of your wife when you got two children that still need you around (and nobody fuckin tell me otherwise on him being selfish, I don’t wanna hear any of that bullshit). You gotta start thinking about them, giving them a happy life. They still need you, man, so you gotta stick around.
Finally, stop fucking drinking your problems away. You think that anyone cares that your heartbroken, broke drunk? Those come by the dime these days, Bro. Men drink, but sometimes we lose sight of why. Men drink to have fun, keep ourselves at the top of our game by doing stupid shit and getting into drunk fights. Wait until your a full bachelor before you do that.
Brother, you can get your manhood back, I believe you can, if you still love the woman that broke your heart then your no where short of being a man, but now it’s time you used it for your sake. Take what’s yours, men own this world and it’s time you fuckin proved that point to the mother fuckers in the world that don’t see it in you.
That is a long post Tim O_o
To long to read at 8:30am
And I just did a useless post… my bad.
Lol it’s like 2130 here. And I don’t got PT in the morning. Bout to go see what a friend of mines doin, maybe get a few drinks into me
Man I was drinking yesterday – way to earlier. Started around 4. Or 1600 😛
I got drunk yesterday too. I went to a mosh pit with Espi and had me some weird fuckin shots of tequila. Lol I almost pissed her off. She was in a kind of bad mood, she’s not that big and she’d been gettin pushed around the entire time she was there and couldn’t push anyone back
Mosh pits are the best. Why I go to warped tour every year 😀
We don’t see too many American bands at the mosh’s here, but last ngiht we saw August Burns Red, that was fuckin badass. Unfortunately, I wasn’t really gettin into the mosh too much. Nah, I think the only reason I went was to drink, but the fuckin drinks were mad expensive.
@Proto and TC – yr hijacking again. And… woah, everyone’s a little bitter to women today, huh? Don’t worry drumhead, they are just channelling! (Proto lay off the booze thats why yr memory is shot)
My bad, I’ll go and hijack James post.
is cockblocking again XD
Wow way to break bro code number one. That rates one slap in the face…
@proto that’s a long post. To long to read. What why then comment?
How many post you make in a day? it 1344 here like who cares?
@T.c He should Kick the shit out of the guy she’s with. It take’s two to play.
Hijack away.
And yes, everything said is true.
I need to get my manhood back.
You alright dolittle?
Lol Donnie you make me laugh man.
And drumhead your a cool dude
When walk. Dont do any thing stuipid.
Still sorry about taking over this thread with me and Tims personal convo. Even if its cool with you – it was still kinda rude bro.
It was but I’m too much of a man to apologize
That’ll do pig…
So stolen from zombieland with the goodbye!
Yea? And the what the fuck are you gonna do about it?
What would you do about it drumhead?
OMG you guys suck so bad.
@Proto – u pissed I am cockblocking u from a 39yr old guy who cant stop talking about his ex wife? Didn’t know u swung that way.
@TC – if you want to slap anyone, slap drumhead – every time he mentions his ex. For the record I should start slapping you as well, every time you mention espy
@doolittle – I’m not a fan of violence, but the ex is the one cheating so if anyone is gonna take a beating my money’s on her
Fuck this. I’m gonna steal some of my flatmate’s food.
Well… I’m shutting up now.
it’s spelled Espi.
Lol not even her real name
And no your not James!!!
I don’t give a toss how you spell it. I’m sick of hearing men whinge about women all day. Right guys, I’m crashing out. nighty night.
Night night. Have a good one.
@drumhead Dont do anything stuipid. And lose the gun.
I know I should lose the gun…
I won’t but I need to.
I guess we don’t wanna do anything rash with it now do we?
To what? Look people full out of love after time. Maybe you next relationship your be happy.
To what? Look people full out of love after time. Maybe you next relationship your be happy.
To what? Look people full out of love after time. Maybe you next relationship your be happy.
Do what. not to what. my keybord is fucked.
Sorry read it wrong. Lose it
Sorry read it wrong. Lose it