I wanted to be happy, so I wasted money…. The thing was lost before I could even enjoy the thing…. It was a consumable thing, but it fell and that’s $10 gone, with no value to be gained…. I now feel worse than I was feeling earlier today, which wouldn’t even let me sleep, this could have helped instead it hurt. I cut again because of it, I can’t have sharp things, but I need these hobby knives because they are another thing that I’ve tried to help me feel better…. and I guess they did help me just not in the intended way. It’s pathetic how $10 wasted crushes me like this. It’s pathetic how $10 is 1/3 of my monthly income…. It’s pathetic that a special treat for me is $10. I’m pathetic, I wish I could work a normal job and be happy, my life would be so much better. I wish I could be happy. I’m going to try to eat because I bought $3 of things to try to replace it, but it’s not the same and I even let it get cold, I’m going to hate it. I hope I choke.
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I also just realized something, I’ve been avoiding killing myself because I finally have some friends I don’t want to hurt…. I’m likely to die before them anyway just naturally…. so they’ll have to deal with me dying anyway. It’s pointless for me to avoid killing myself then just for that.
Shatterediris, I would have told you it wasn’t a good idea for you to buy any sharp objects! I’m joking but I feel the same way, I spend money time to time to make myself happy then say WHY DID I DO THAT! Then regret it, I really don’t know what to say? Because I do it all the time myself. I get upset then say that’s it for a while. I hope you feel better.
You know how I feel about cutting STOP IT! If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t say that.
yeah I got away with words!! 🙂
yeah but you get some enjoyment at least…. But here no, it just fell out of the fucking cupholder and spilled…. and I lost over half of it and the rest just tastes like floorboard and defeat…. mostly defeat I hate this….
and it’s only 10 cuts for now at least. That’s not that bad nothing too deep either.
I’m glad to hear that, none would be better, we all fall of the wagon now and then, it’s how hard we hit that matters!
I’m sorry buddy, and I don’t always get enjoyment out of it. keep your chin up.
well you at least don’t get to watch as the thing just gets ruined before you had a chance to even use it…. I could have just tossed $10 into a fire, it wouldn’t have cost me gas and I would at least get to watch a fire for a little bit…. I came up with a solution though, if I don’t eat anything at all tomorrow, and the next day I can argue that I might have spent $5 each of those days to feed myself…. (I haven’t been able to be bothered with cooking as of late) so that’ll be $10 that I’ve saved…. so on the third day of then I can get another one of these to replace this one…. That’s still not great, because I have to sacrifice comfort for 2 days to get an experience that I missed out on today because a cup holder didn’t want to work. -_-
Well I’m not lying I do the same thing when I blow it, a form of self punishment or just a matter of economics, I guess that’s my way of cutting? I never thought about that till now? Yeah I say to myself I hate me!!! Too! 🙂 Who is perfect?
well I know that whoever is perfect happens to be somebody who isn’t me…. I need the sharp things though, I still don’t fully understand why I have such a problem with cutting myself anyway, I’ve already done it, so the worst thing that ever could have happened has already happened, so stopping now is just sacrificing what cutting can do for me for no benefits. I’ll never be able to go swimming again, at least not without looking like a pathetic freak, and that’s even if I never cut again….
Well I know it’s always easy for someone to say do this! But do this! Please eliminate sharp objects, it makes it harder to do when they aren’t around, your buddy Rocketman had some really bad habits! and had to do that! I got over them, but it they were in my face I’d couldn’t resist, that is a fact. I have to be careful as well, I know I don’t talk about myself to much but believe me I’ve have been at war with my demons as well.
But I need sharp objects for hobby and crafts things though….
I don’t know how to answer that? I needed piles of coke to sing and perform, when I stopped I also lost a great deal of desire, it really is still a problem, that’s the breaks, brakes? anyways I know I would be dead today if I kept it up, a lot of my friends are. Sometimes you have to make choices that are good for you, now you know why I have heart problems.
I have not even experimented with drugs…. Mostly because I know they are expensive, and I know they would become a problem for me. cutting is at least a lot less dangerous and much cheaper. I do hope you are having a much better day than I am though.
Thanks I’d say where both having a wonderful day! excuse me while I pour another drink! 🙂
Sounds like you need to get on disability or welfare. How do you only get 30$ a month? Anyone who only made $30 a month could not survive and would, ULTIMATELY, die. Unless you’re skillful at surviving with nothing at all, lol.
I live with my father.
Hello Shattered Iris. I understand.
Hello…. You are still around xD