Lame

Not really suicide related

The other day me and my boyfriend thought that we would take our laptops with us in the car. Mine was in a backpack, which also contained my passport. And some asshole broke into the vehicle and stole the backpack. So now I’m out a nice laptop and a passport. And I’ll have to get a new passport, at the very least an emergency one. Well I hope they’ll let me get that kind :/

Of course, I bet nothing will happen to the ones who stole my stuff.

This isn’t fair at all. Literally the only thing stolen was the backpack with stuff in it. And my bf has a bunch of stuff in his car. I’m already running out of money and I don’t want to have to pay for this. I was only going to stay with him for a month but I decided to stay with him another month, essentially he’s paid for one month in one place and I’ve paid for one month in another place, which is tiny, old, run down and a dump.

He’s very sweet and helpful and caring but also…
I brought up the fact he lives with his parents and he owns a whole bunch of stuff, I mean he’s got a literal room full of stuff he needs to attend to. As if this guy is ever getting his own rental place on a longer term. No way. So, I told him that this is going to essentially take forever to attend to all of his stuff. He also has 3 cars stored in various places.

He tells me with a straight face ‘I just don’t have any motivation’. Look… You don’t have to hide it, I can tell that you are trying to fill an endless void in your life, you are adding more and more stuff to your collection of stuff… I think this guy is lost and depressed to be honest but he just hides it. Maybe he’s waiting for some rich woman to save him, I have no idea. Although he worked his butt off for my overseas visit to him.

He’s generally very positive with me and very supportive. I just don’t think this guy is really relationship material because of the reasons I stated. Sure let’s get away from our lives for 2 months and try to enjoy our time together while he racks up debt because of me (yeah he’s hopeless with money yet won’t admit lol, and I’m not much better overall…)

I think in the end, I’ll end up letting him go. I’m in a long distance relationship with him but I’m spending time with him in real life now. He used to work different jobs, but got sick of them and eventually quit. Now he works from home… I don’t see anything changing…

I literally see this relationship going nowhere due to his lack of motivation. Because being 33 means your life is over and you can’t really do anything to change it.. oh but apparently I’m young and 26 and I can change my life. Ok???

He’s smart, he can improvise, he can fix and repair alot of stuff, he can get me/him out of sticky situations, he’s a good talker, he’s agile…

Perhaps because he has rich parents who will always let him live with them (when I’m not around due to privacy) , he really does have no incentive to change. He can always fall back on them if something goes wrong.

Hell even his friend seems to be more motivated even though his parents bought him his own place among other things. It would’ve been easy for this guy to just do nothing because his parents pay for it all. But he studies various things and works somewhere. Unfortunately he’s a talking machine looooool.

I think I might go outside alone for a little bit… I know overseas travel is a luxury but I hate having my stuff stolen…

I lay next to him now, he sleeps away peacefully. (We both go to sleep at strange times)…