I cant get into my entire story now…besides,lets be honest,how many people really care that much about other’s problems? (except the fake do-gooders who want to save your soul…LOL…no disrespect,but lets call a spade a spade).
For tonight,I wanted to pose a question…how many people are in the limbo land of knowing that death is the only option,having a plan/idea, but mustering up courage to set a time and do it?
For those who are just about to make their moves,what was the final push that let you know that your dwindling time was just about gone?
And for those still in that murky area like me (for I’m certain that I will do it,just need to get to that final stage),do you wake up every day in tears that you are still alive?
Again,with all due respect,please dont reply with any get help responses. Been there,done that. I am really at the point where I only want to talk to likeminded people who understand what this level of pain is like. No pacts,just moral support:)
4 comments
I never had any help in my life so I don’t know how to help other people, most of the time I won’t even fake an interest in other peoples’ problems. So why do I deserve help from anyone? I don’t think I do, really.
Anyway, I think everyone is in limbo til they actually take that final step as I’m sure that even if one is completely committed to killing oneself there is still an element of fear/anxiety over the act, as there are a number of contradictory emotions involved.
I think no matter who you are, there is always that 0.00001% of yourself that has the hope that things might be ok tomorrow or the day after and that tiny amount is enough to make the process far from simple.
To avoid any mixed emotions which could potentially result in deciding against suicide, I will get drunk before I go through with it so make sure my mind is suitably indifferent.
To answer the other part of your question about whether I wake up in tears about being alive, I don’t do that now, although I used to a bit. Now, knowing that I have chosen my path, I feel tranquil and not so stressed since I know that in a short time it will all be gone.
I think I’m not saying everything I wanted, but thats my 2c for now
I’m horrible at helping people, too. I wanna help but I ain’t good at it. I do care about your problems, hell, I don’t just care, I find most of peoples problems mad interesting. If you want someone to talk to that does care, though I prolly won’t be much help, go ahead and email me…
Tim you help very well more than you think. What we spoke about yesterday was all true. About the women and shit. I was just a bit distracted but I still read every wise word that you said. Like I said – you are 32 man. Careful – sometimes your wisdom shows.
As for the posters stuff…. I had everything planned. The place, I had the meds, everything. Was waiting for sunday but someone found my stash…. So it killed that. If I just did it the day I got the stash I would not be typing right now.
As for where I am now? I no longer think of killing myself but at times I do cry (mostly on the inside) from massive panic attacks and the bad things I have done in my life.
And there are other people besides fake do gooders (I’m assuming you mean religious? Cause I am athiest). I’d love to hear your story. Weither it be on here, email, skype, or fuck it I’ll give you my number to text me. Whatever you would prefer.