Im so done with living. I have been bullied most of my life and made so many choices that were dumb and now I have so many mental issues that I cant escape from… im 26 now and cant even get a relationship. I have 3 friends but not sure how long that will last. My life just isn’t worth living and im just ready to end it and stop the suffering from day to day of trying to fight something that is ultimately going to win anyway. I cut almost daily to cope with the pain. I cant find joy in anything anymore. I sit in my room every night wondering why I was so nice to people when I only ever get ignored and bullied. I keep thinking if I was an asshole then maybe life would be different… I cant change myself though so I just want it to end. I cant deal with this pain of life anymore.
The Numb Loser
4 comments
Don’t think it’s about being an asshole. More about putting your own needs first. Treating yourself well, basically.
Think about if you had to help some other person improve their life. Treating them like shit, tough love, do you think that would work, long-term? Probably not.
People treat you bad because you treat yourself bad.
“Treat yourself like you are someone responsible for helping”
Yeah if you get what I’m saying – I just have no reason to stay alive.
I’d never want to be in a couple because I can’t stand people.. well, I’ve never wanted to be just like everyone else… conquesting for a mate, but anyway what I mean is just I mostly I can’t stand people so that lifestyle choice does not appeal to me. I don’t feel like I am fighting anything but paparazzi at this point which has basically destroyed my personality, soul, mind the last 4 or so years. I prefer complete independence as in I wish and hope for a life where there is only me for at least hundreds of miles. Other people only degrade me, knitpick, harass, torment. Plus, I just don’t like most of them 🙂 Only there can I stretch my legs without fear that a black woman will wake me up by hurtling into my ears. Why would a black woman shriek in my ears when I would never be attracted or form a friendship with a black female, you ask? Because the society, we are nothing but victims of circumstance HERE.
They want everyone to copy each other and follow along in their lines and do things just to fulfill their egos. They are so immature that you can’t be yourself because they want you to think the way they do. Or even they just want you to listen to them. Why would you?
At this point , I imagine , the creators of all this life, (human) are mindless hateful, sex crazed beasts that just needed that fix …. leaving us here because they needed outlet for all those twisted, immoral perversions. It appeals to me in no way at all!!! Matter of fact, I do not even like copulation and I also do not think it is pleasurable/‘feel good.’ Is having sex some sort of labor chore they force the slaves to do? Some people enjoy it waaaay too much and that’s just strange to me.
and with the universe being 3.4 billion years old, humans have existed for 7 million of those .. when they were evolutionized from chimpanzee 7 million years ago — but what I was saying is they have a lifespan of 100 years. Humans will be human (which is not even a very good species at all to be honest, I probably prefer any species of animal to humans.) – nothing will happen there will be no change in man’s evolutionary structure for at least a couple million years and we only live 100 years. You in particular make no difference in time, history or anything at all and neither will your(supposed or current) kin!! But I mean, living in pain and misery for 100 years is always fun too!!!!!!! You will never see human change species and you definitely will never make it to another one of the 10,000 other galaxies just as complex as earth and all the planets in this one. So you are stuck basically in your shitty situation until the slave driver let’s you go off and be on your own.
In the Modern Day – Everything it seems is a Christianity, Islamic, Jewish, Hindu construct – or on the other side of things governmental which is just to I suppose control the human beings, their bodies and things.
and I don’t really see human life as beautiful. useless as a herd of goats. I don’t see a whole lot of good going on I imagine maybe an evil spirit is what began the population, and kept it going. 21st century or first year of man – it does not matter, it will always be the same – an empty Stone Age where Tom competes with Joe just to feel powerful.
But hold on I’m not done yet – that is me ranting about things that are irrelevant to why I want to take my life (personally), but always lurking there somewhere in the background to make someone or other feel really f*cking uncomfortable. .. I’ll continue on that later if I feel like it. My stomach just started to randomly hurt.