I dont know how to get out yet

I knew it was a mistsake from the beginning but I dived in head first either way, I dont want to depend on someone to make me happy but I cant seem to make myself feel the same way. I know hes just with me cause its what it is and I also know I shouldnt make assumptions but it all tangles in a mess in my head and i honestly dont feel like thinking anymore, Im too fucked up atm and I cut too deep now he´ll notice and idk what do anymore, can I make it seem as if it were the cats? I cant possibly tell him Im cutting just bc he is seraching porn of his friends and other things blatantly in my face even when he know how insecure i am but thats not his fault right? I should be the one working on that right? I honestly just want to die.