Existing is so tiring: we go from doing one thing to another, and from that to another one. I cannot understand how people can live like this. There is no peace, no calm, no quiet, only movement towards an empty and nonsensical inevitable end: death.
How can I feel okay when I have to think about what happens next? I need a break, I need to breathe, I keep choking with the very thing that lets me be alive. It’s poisonous. It traps me here. My body wants to live but my mind is so tired of all of this bullshit it can barely take it anymore.
I keep telling my body I will change and everything will be fine but it’s never fine. I go back to the way I’ve always been and keep torturing myself on the outside because that’s my prison I’m punishing. Bodies are painful painful prisons we cant get out of. It’s unbelievably tortous to live like this. I cannot stop my mind from sinking everytime a new meaningless activity comes.
I need everything to STOP right now. I barely get some relief when I’m asleep. I need something to help me or kill me. Nothing we do ever makes any sense, so why even bother to get up? I have not asked to be born, so why do I have to pay for something that’s not my fault?