I can’t sleep when I want to, and am now up for far longer than I want to be…. I hate this….
I kind of want to talk about more, but I also don’t…. I don’t know why I want to post but I do, even if I don’t have much to post about. Maybe it’ll help me feel less lonely, I am having less interaction with the people I know now as of late…. Maybe it’s due to the holiday things that happened? I’m uncertain.
There’s also something bothering me, and I did just remember it, but wanted to complete my thought before writing it down, but I forgot it almost instantly…. It’s weird, I know there’s a thing that’s been bothering me for a long time, but every time I think about it, I can only really focus on it for a few moments, then instantly drift out of thought and forget what it was…. It annoys me, I don’t know what it is so I can’t fix it but I know it’s a thing.
I also hate being called by my father when he’s drunk, it was very clear that he was…. He can’t hold a conversation, and then just randomly starts swearing and such…. And I love how he tried to be “accepting” of if I wasn’t straight by being like “I don’t care if you like men or women, just as long as it’s somebody”…. That’s lovely…. I don’t feel sexual attraction at all, so that’s great…. Even when followed up with “it’s wrong to not want sex.” which was said by him…. So that’s great. I just love when he goes on drunken rants like that…. Not that I’ve ever really spoken to any people in my family about probably being asexual, but I also haven’t exactly ever dated anybody as far as they know either so, I’m sure they probably assume various things there. :/
I hate being me.
10 comments
Just wanted to stop by and say hello. Even though I haven’t been around, I still remember and think of you and the others here.
Never understood why being asexual is considered abnormal. There are those who actively choose to devote themselves to a whole life of denial as part of a spiritual pursuit, and that isn’t considered a problem.
Good to see you again.
You too.
That is kind of different though, since those people still probably want to have sex and stuff…. I just simply lack desire for it though. :/ Probably why people get so upset about it.
People shouldn’t be upset with you about it, because there is nothing wrong with it. If it upsets YOU, that’s different.
Anyway, it is good to talk with you again. 🙂
People shouldn’t be upset about it no, it doesn’t effect them. -_- But people do still get upset about it for some reason, it’s dumb. As for me, it doesn’t upset me I guess…. But I do kind of wish I was not ace, but it doesn’t quite really upset me…. I just know it’d be far easier to be straight. -_-
Sorry your sleep is messed up. That messes up just about every other thing in your mind and body. That is awful.
And yes, alcoholic parents are like a death star. Everything seems to orbit around them and their needs and they have little to offer to those that surround them.
He’s still my best parent though…. My mother isn’t an alcoholic, she’s just a horrible person instead…. It still is upsetting when my father calls me drunk and can’t remember anything long enough to hold a conversation with….
“So I had a nice day today, I made a very nice loaf of bread.”
“I can hear the walls whispering.”
“uhhhh…. Okay?”
-_-
if i could truly sleep when i wanted, i’d never wake up again.
same -_-