I think I just want to go in a few months, my life is so unfulfilling and boring. I don’t care to go on much longer. I’m sick of pretending to be happy and ok. I have no hobbies or interests really. My ex will be fine. He’s not going to be lonely. He’s got a new group online where he can talk to people from the game server. He doesn’t need me. If I decide to end it I’ll have to make sure he doesn’t find out. But sadly he probably will because if he contacts me and doesn’t hear back from me I know he’ll come to that conclusion. Well I’ll just have to hope that it doesn’t break him. :/ One of his past friends committed suicide a couple of years ago, although she wasn’t really very close to him…
Maybe something will change in the next few months, maybe…
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Is there any capacity for making your life more fulfilling and interesting? Aside from the ex you’re hung up on, does anything seem like it could feel meaningful? What happens if you stop pretending to be ok?
There most likely is. I socialise a fair bit with the people I am volunteering with, I generally get along with all of them except for that one manager (but I am not confrontational so I’m not really going to say anything to her about what she told me…)
It’s one of the reasons I don’t end my life yet because maybe there is something out there for me…
I wrote this post while I had a really swollen gum in my mouth. Really painful and annoying but it’s finally gone down after a few days. Yeah I really try to avoid the dentist as much as I can, they are extortionate and I’d rather spend my money on other things.
That’s good. If you can find people you feel on the same wavelength as who share similar interests then perhaps life starts to feel worthwhile.
Tbh, in real life I am generally not confrontational. But online I might be more confrontational.