covid19 and stress

my grandfather is being stupid. my brothers are scared. my doc told me im fucked. and i cant do anything about any of it. my stress levels are through the roof and i want to give up and paint a picture on a wall with my brain cells. husband says wait until i see my doc again. i think i dont love him anymore. im stringing my friend along. i shouldnt even have people in my life. im too broken to be apart of the human race. i dont belong here.