Decisions decisions……..

This constant hate for myself has been getting overwhelming. Honestly suicide has started to become a huge option. I try to think positively of myself and about my life but I can’t and it’s really hard. I know there are peoples life’s worse than mine but I just don’t like myself and I always feel like I don’t deserve to live. I’ve been crying everyday of my life for the past couple of months non stop about 2-5 times a day. My body has become so weak and I always feel exhausted for all this crying but get 4 hours or less sleep a day. I think I’ve reached a breaking point where I can’t take it anymore and I can’t stand myself living anymore and I can’t go on like this. I don’t know what I should do but I know this hate for myself is never gonna stop now. It’s too deep. I don’t think I even liked me or truly loved myself and now it’s just turned to absolute hatred of who I am, what I am, what I look like, how I act, how I feel and where I am, and just everything about me I can’t stand anymore. I always feel like people’s life’s will be better if I was gone. I mean nobody has to worry about me anymore right? I’ll just be in a hole somewhere and everyone can just forget about me and everything will be better. That’s all I want anyway… just for everyone to forget I exist and maybe just to never exist cause I’m just always gonna be the piece of shit I am and nothing is ever gonna change. I don’t know how to what to live or strive anymore it’s so hard when you feel like this all the time and feel like your always peoples problem and nobody cares about you and you always annoy people and you always feel like people are saying bad things about you behind your back and always feel like people hate you or don’t like you. I just wanna be normal………