Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a relatively smart person. I’m likeable and decent looking. I’m very good at quite a lot of things. With a little hard work, I could have a “perfect” “successful” life. I have no logical reason to be so suicidal. I know that life can be hard, but I have good support. I have trust issues, but I’ve never been hurt too bad. I’ve had my heart broken, but I got over it. I have anxiety issues but the therapy and meds have it under control. I have a good life. But I just want to die. I don’t want a good job with nice pay or a husband and kids. I’m too fickle for true long lasting love and I’m okay with that. I just want out. I never wanted in to begin with. I didn’t ask to be born. And I just don’t see a point to any of it. The whole life thing is boring and pointless and I just want out. I have no will to survive, that innate, primal need to survive. I just don’t have it in me. Maybe its like an evolutionary thing. Maybe some people are just born suicidal to keep the population under control. I don’t know. All I know is that I want out. I feel like an asshole. There are people suffering every single day just to live another one. People fight and survive horrible diseases, famine, accidents and so much more. And I can’t manage to find some will, some motivation; something worth living for.
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7 billion and count in. What is life? why are we here? The universe is alive. But not conscious. Maybe the universe wanted to be conscious. That’s why we are here.You Got to
find some motivation. Something worth living for.
I hear you.
What I mean to say is that I don’t believe anyone can rationally disprove any assertion you’ve made.
I believe in your right, anyones right to have your view about life… and I don’t believe we should force people to remain alive who don’t want to… that said, I personally advocate for continuing to choose life… while respecting a person’s right to do with or not do with their life.
In service of that advocacy, and if you’re up for an exchange of ideas… I’m curious… regarding the ‘whole life thing’ being ‘boring’… can you elaborate on that?
I don’t there is anything inherently wrong with the idea that life is inherently pointless/meaningless… as Dr dolittle has noted… finding or creating as I like to think… some motivation… some driving purpose or meaning or cause of your life is up to you, your imagination and your creativity.
Think of or find some thing, that moves or touches you in some way… and then build a life purpose around that…
People die, it’s inevitable. That, to begin with, makes life predictable. People are boring, they don;t surprise me, ever. They are inherently selfish; that includes me. Even when they do nice things they do so to feel better about themselves. People rarely change and when they do it’s usually not for the better. I may be cynical, but I’m being honest. People have only self gain as their motivation for anything. That makes them pretty predictable too. I don’t care for people in general and life without people is even more boring. No matter what I do I know how things will end up. People say that there are endless possibilities, but that isn’t true. You can’t just be and or do what you want. There are consequences and knowing them makes life a boring thing. Maybe I was just born in the wrong decade or century, I don’t know. But I know that life, the way it is now is boring. I don’t really know how to explain the feeling. It’s like I know there is no hope for anything to be different; for things to be better, whatever that even means
(correction from above) I don’t THINK there is anything…
And I’ve tried finding things to be passionate about, to be motivated. I honestly think I just don’t have it in me. I’m not giving up so much as I’m just doomed from the beginning
I think, that it’s just the day to day soul-destroying need to survive, ie pay the rent, eat, live…so many of us slave to deadend jobs, kowtow to people we have no respect for, speak the lingo all day long, phone, calls, email, “Now Worries.” “That makes sense (even when it doesn’t..trust me, I’m in the law it never makes sense” or “I’ll circle back.” when we are handed the emotional gun by a superior to blow out our brains of self respect over a typo, a godamn typo keeps you from getting a decent review…I walk the halls all day smiling at people wondering at their dedication, when I have no faith in people and i don’t expect much out of life. Why do they? Because they have “No worries.”
Must be so freeing to never have a profound thought and work, work work!!!
I don’t think life having a known conclusion – death – makes the path of how you get there predictable. I think I’m with you… maybe… as far as I might say that most people are mostly predictable most of the time… because they operate out of self-interest and/or fear most of the time. That said, distributions have extremes, and at the extremes lie extraordinary performance one way or the other. As rare as they may be to find, there are people out there in every field and endeavor of human pursuit doing surprising things, I believe.
People see what they look for I think. What is it confirmation bias? You discount the things that refute your view. Surprising things happen all the time, just not that often overall. As before, as rare as they may be extraordinary things happen all the time.
Life is what you make of it and you’re certainly not obligated to play as far as I’m concerned.
Always the advocate for continuing to choose to live… regarding trying to find things to be passionate and motivated about… keep trying. Disbelieve yourself when the thought ‘I just don’t have it in me,’ pops into your head. Notice when you think things like ‘I’m just doomed from the beginning’ – and force yourself to believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.
Regarding not being able to do what you want… can you be specific… and not anecdotal… I mean, what can’t you do that want do? who or what can’t you be? what is out of reach?
@sigh: I understand how you feel. I don’t know how old you are, but youth (myself included) tend to see things in a very cynical light. My brother has this same problem. So I asked him to think about this question: “If you had unlimited money and time in the world, what would you do?” And after he answered this question, which took quite a long time, I asked him, “Why do you want to do that?” The second question is more important than the first.
Do you have a goal in life? A particular thing that you want to do very badly? Perhaps, a childhood dream you had, before you started learning about how humans are self-serving? Your view of the world isn’t wrong, just that there are many perspectives. Try to be skeptical instead of cynical (:
Incidentally, if people are pretty predictable, can you perhaps guess why I’m replying to your post?
I just came across this website and while reading your post I felt like I could have been reading my own. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in my guilt. Thank you.
I just came across this website and while reading your post I felt like I could have been reading my own. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in my guilt. Thank you.
I understand your feelings. I don’t understand how we come to feel this way or why. I don’t even know what helps or what can help. I know a lot of people say “find motivation”, and though, I think it may help, no one ever says how to find it. How can you find meaning? It’s like we’re all jaded and cynical, everyone says different things but no one can tell us one thing that works. Life now, just seems so dead. Just a thought, really
this post made my sleepless night =) I’m more suicidal than I was before but I was happy to find it. Thank you so much for sharing your insightful thoughts; it helped clear up a lot of what I was thinking about in my own life
First of all, thank you all for the replies, that really means a lot that you would take time and passionately respond to a complete stranger’s post. And I know that not all people are evil or greedy or whatever. I know there are wonderfully nice people in this world. I just haven’t had the fortune of having any of them in my life, so its hard not be cynical. I’m glad that people can relate to what I’m feeling, makes it a little less lonely. And as to the question of what I want. If I had no limitations I would just want to travel the world, see everything there is to see and learn anything and everything; I could spend years in a library or a museum, just learning. Even though there is no “point” to wanting that and it doesn’t help in the set path of life that is pretty much chosen before were born. The whole go to school, get a job, get married, have children, and raise your children to do it all over again, but somehow better for some damn reason. If I stay within those guidelines and the basic rules of society I can’t have the luxury of just learning and nothing else. And if I did one day manage to get rich and have money to travel I still can’t really picture myself as truly happy. Maybe I’m just complaining or whining, I don’t know. All I really know is that I feel like dying.
“If I had no limitations I would just want to travel the world, see everything there is to see and learn anything and everything; I could spend years in a library or a museum, just learning.”
The great news is that other people have already figured out how to create a life like that and have written down how they did it.
Here’s a good example I think…
http://chrisguillebeau.com/3×5/
Chris has apparently visited 168 out of the world’s 196 countries and he’s in his early 30s. In the last couple years he has even managed to turn his passion for travel into a new career as a travel author.
What limitations do you have that prevent you from at least moving in the direction of creating the life that you want?
Another thought:
“If I stay within those guidelines and the basic rules of society I can’t have the luxury of just learning and nothing else.”
The ‘rules’ you’re referring to don’t really exist, I believe. There will always be what ‘the majority of people’ do. There will always be more well-traveled paths through life. At the same time there will always be people who color outside of the lines, who seek to not conform.
It’s up to you what to do, or not do with your life.