I see a lot of posts about people who say to themselves they are fine. I feel like I’m the opposite. My default is “fine”. It’s when I’m alone with my thoughts that I talk about how untrue that really is.
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Who made it a rule that any of us needs to be fine? Go ahead and not be fine. scream. Yell. Ignore people. Be an asshole. Be authentic, fake, just don’t fool yourself into thinking that in the end it really matters after you die. I say this not to be cruel, but to point out that the only think we really have in this world is us. We are born alone, we die alone. In the middle we try to find some solace that it ultimately matters. It only matters if you are breathing and walking forward.
99% of my week is faking “fine”. I have folks counting on fine. It utterly sucks that I can’t just get in my car, go to the coast, park my car, sit alone, and just NOT be fine. Savor being NOT fine. because that is authentic. All I have in my life is the 1% of the time where I can be alone and NOT be fine. Without that, what is the point? I need that. Go ahead. Be totally not fine.