I keep thinking about the things that are stopping me from leaving and maybe if I can get my shit together I can make this easier. Are there life insurances that will pay out on a suicide? I’m going to look into that. Maybe if they can be set for life then I won’t worry about them. See, I’m the sole provider for my little family so I can’t just drop dead and know they will struggle to just get by. I want them to be okay.
I don’t deserve them or anything I have. I need to stop holding them back and let them live.
Now I just need to complain for a second about work, fucking bastards, I feel guilty when I get behind but what they gave us to do was an impossible task to keep up with. Once upon a time I enjoyed my work and would have spent hours and days in uncompensated overtime to get the project done, but now, fuck them. They don’t give a shit about anything but their bottom line, there is no loyalty on their part, they don’t get the time and frankly I don’t have the energy for it anymore. I was better once but now I can barely focus so there is no way I’ll catch this shit show up.
Rant over.
3 comments
I don’t think there’s life insurances that work on suicides, at least i haven’t seen any… usually people try to make it look like accidents, but life insurance guys are pretty good at spotting that sort of thing. I’m guessing your family prefers having you than money tho (most, if not all families would) and even if you say you don’t deserve them… well, here you are thinking of how to ensure them a future if you’re gone… that makes you pretty worthy i’d say (plenty of people wouldn’t do that).
As for your work… you know, i wondered for a long time why some jobs didn’t value effort and gave impossible tasks to some people and i found an answer that kinda makes sense to me (might be wrong tho): expectations are everything. Do you ever notice how mediocre people tend to keep their jobs doing less than people that do care to go the extra mile? imho it’s because of that, if you’re willing to do overtime without compensation for a while, bosses come to expect that you always will and it stops being a “sacrifice” in their eyes. Compare that to the guys that always do the bare minimum… well, bosses know that, so they keep expecting that. Not that it helps much with your venting, but it kinda reminded me of that.
After a little research it looks like they will cover it after a contestability period clause, usually two years of hacking the policy.
My family probably does prefer me but would be better without me at the same time. It’s just that they don’t know what’s good for them.
And I think you might be on to something with the employer expectations.
Thats what I have heard its 2 years.