Does anyone else feel “cursed”?
As in you’ve always gotten screwed no matter what. No what what you did, didn’t do, say or didn’t say. No matter how smart you are or how hard you worked. No matter what “good” decisions you’ve made in your life- it all turns out to be bad in the end.
It’s like being born with a dark cloud over your infant head. I was cursed the day I was born. I’ve had a shit life my whole childhood- abuse, neglect, psychological torture, etc.
Thought adulthood away from my abusers would result in a great life full of possibilities. Boy was I wrong. The universe would only pile on more and more poo. Take that! It said.
I worked harder than anyone else, yet I could never get ahead.
I am more intelligent than many of my peers, yet I could never get ahead.
I made logically “good” decisions, but yet universe would always reward me with something horrible.
I have done everything “right” and yet my life is all wrong.
I’m tired of this fuckery.
Kicked down with a foot on my neck for the 1000th time.
Eventually, one gives up.
Life has beaten me to a bloody pulp.
Life and evil people all around me have turned me off from being such a good person- not that I’m a “bad” person now but I find it not only unrewarding, but you get punished for being good or doing good. Time and again that has proved the case. Life and evil people have stolen the light from my eyes, and the joy from my soul.
Now I’m a miserable fuck.
I am am empty vessel, yet at the same time, this vessel is heavy and filled to the brim with darkness. Like a black hole maybe. Something and nothingness at the same time.
I’m rambling.
Anyway, life is fucked up.
I’m very angry at the hands I’ve been dealt.
There is only so much a single human being can handle.
1 comment
I feel this, I’m autistic, and I’m also suspected of being bipolar as well. I’m extremely high functioning, yet despite this, I still feel like shit and that I’m cursed, and that if everyone around me did in fact have the chance, they would get rid of me. I hate this state. I hate this town, I wish that I could’ve had a different life, and despite what people tell me about shit getting better, it never, ever, ever fucking feels that way. I’m always cycling through depression and it’s fucking awful, I try to become better, I try to be better, yet, no matter how superficial I become, I still feel unwanted, I still feel that I won’t be able to accomplish anything. Yeah, that may sound disappointing or whatever, but it’s true, everyone either hates me or just wants to see me dead and I can’t stop feeling this way. And maybe I’m pathetic because of this, but it just doesn’t feel like there’s too much that I can do. I always feel like, whenever good things happen, I just get dragged back down to hell. What have I done to deserve this? I don’t know. People have told me that I’m a narcissist and that kind of shit. But yes, I’m a curse. I know that. Nothing will ever change my mind about knowing that. When the day comes, I’ll finally be happy for once. I don’t even think that I can actually feel happiness. No one else that I know, seems to feel nearly as bad as I do at my age. (18) And I don’t think there will ever be anyone out there to understand that. Like I’m just going to die alone, as the curse that I was destined to be, the joke of the universe, I’m slowly starting to not care about what people would think if I were to kill myself, because ultimately I know that if I were to do it, no one would be fucking surprised.