I thought it would go away if I stopped with the THC, but it isn’t. I dissociate from my body, I don’t feel like I belong to it.
It’s kind of like when I first wake up, and instead of taking the controls of my body, I burrow deeper into non-being.
Meanwhile, I feel undone/abstract in general. I got denied a job because I’m overqualified… and the employer didn’t believe me that other jobs in my field wouldn’t have me. It’s been two years, and it’s going to take me several more to seek out a more productive degree…. and what’s the point?! I don’t believe in employers who pay their employees enough to live on, while respecting them. it’s one or the other, or in my case usually neither.
Meanwhile, I feel guilt because there are games I want to play, but it isn’t something I can do much about.
I read about this LGBTQ youth who killed themselves today, and my thought on it was “sounds like someone has an accurate assessment of what things are going to be like going forward.”
People are always grasping at straws about “Oh he never grew up, missed out on so much.” I did grow up, and I did most of the important things. None of that is going to make me into better dirt, and the world has expressed utter indifference at my efforts. So stop telling teenagers that there is “So much to live for”, be honest that it’s pretty much hell in all directions. You stay here, it’s hell. You kill yourself, probably hell.
Making humans is expensive, and I don’t get why we kept doing it after 1970.