So about 3 weeks ago I went to the hospital for what should have been a routine heart catheterization. I’ve had 4 done previously with no problems. Well the cath went well, no blockages this time around and I had previously quit smoking after 47 years so I should have been in great shape right now, but…
Just as the catheterization team was closing things up so I could go home everything suddenly turned straight to shit. Don’t pass go, no $200, etc. I nearly bought the whole farm.
The site where they punctured the artery to do the initial cath suddenly ruptured and I quickly began to bleed out internally. It happened very quickly and even woke me out of anesthesia and it felt like everything from my belly button down had turned to concrete . Someone had to press down really hard on my groin to try to stop the bleeding so it felt like they had parked a truck on me.
I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life, but nothing prepared me for that kind of pain. I was begging them to kill me at that point. The last pain I remember was the catheter tube getting shoved up my pecker.. I finally went out.
Two days later they brought me back to the conscious and the very first thought I had was that the people surrounding me in the surgical ward were true monsters. It was as though I had been captured by enemy forces and tortured to give up information.. My wife was there and I told her they were all fucking monsters and to my astonishment she was on THEIR SIDE! Imagine that!
Long story short, the breathing tube soon came out and the torture was slowly subsiding back to the typical hospital torture routine. People were being nice and blah, blah, blah. Everything was explained and the 20 minutes I had spent in the surgical ward had actually been 2 days and it gets a bit freakier..
From everything I’ve read and been told by my cardiologist the odds of what happened are extremely rare. I went into hemorrhagic shock which has about a .02% chance of even happening in the first place and then of the very few people it does happen to only around 43% of the .02% ever live to talk about it and a huge percentage of them have multiple issues with organ failure, heart attacks, brain damage and so on. Me? I get a nice scar and a brand new reason to never want to be cut on by another human being without one hell of a damned good reason. Saving my life might not be a good enough reason..
It’s been roughly 3 weeks and the pain is just starting to subside. Everything is still quite swollen and I still have about 25 staples in me.. And I’ve survived yet another near death experience. This is about my 5th I think..I’ve lost count. I don’t really feel suicidal anymore, but at the same time I could take it or leave life itself. Life itself has never really meant all that to me. After all, everything, and I do mean every single thing that has ever lived or ever will live dies.. I feel absolutely no reason I should be any different and yet I keep surviving seemingly impossible odds of actually surviving.
Something is up, but I’ll be damned if I know what it is.
Maybe when I celebrate my 200th birthday I’ll get a clue.. lol
5 comments
which is why it shouldn’t be called a “phobia” to be afraid of hospitals, it’s self preservation. I feel like I’m on the tipping point for my health in old age, I’m 34 now, third stress based nervous breakdown, but people are surprisingly supportive.
If I wasn’t on so many meds I wouldn’t have to go to the doctor, and I know that’s a blessing.
It definitely seems to last forever, but so far it’s just several thousand days, with tens of thousands left before I check out.
“…true monsters…captured …tortured…” That would about sum it up for me too.
The stink of it is, in a hospital you are legally presumed to want them to do whatever it is they do to you unless you clearly object (and they believe it) or you have a medical proxy who objects. If your medical proxy objects and you die as a result, that’s legally fine, the monsters must stand down, as long as the paperwork is proper and your proxy is clearly authorized to speak for you. I am struggling with my advance directive and trying bring myself to complete it before trouble strikes.
Thank you for telling this story. I see that in retrospect you seem to have your head wrapped around the hospital torture. Regardless of their motives, it does surely resemble torture. It is worth considering that sometimes the motives may not be all pure either.
I shall be thinking about this story as I struggle to complete my Advance Directive. I am 64 and I need to have this important document completed. It looks like I have my proxy picked. Waiting until I am in dire straights in not a good idea. Actually the document is done except witness signatures. This is not easy.
Wow! Honestly I couldn’t do that and the possibility of having to deal with something like that in the future, makes me want to kill myself. Kind of like ‘beat you to it’ XD.
Funny enough though, my constant back discomfort/pain doesn’t bother me.
I’m with you on this one. I am doing the best I can to keep pushing D-Day out but I would rather die than be (mis) treated in a hospital.
My earlier comment about advanced directive would be fine for meetings about what care you will or will not get, what outcome you want, while you are unable to speak for yourself but in the heat of that particular moment when a procedure that had your consent suddenly went into an emergency surgery, a directive might have been worthless, but I don’t know. I suppose I just have to say no to hospital treatment, except comfort, in my advance directive, say no to hospitals in person presuming I am able, or say goodbye when the day comes that I think a medical emergency is approaching. This not easy to sort out.