Lost all hope

I’m trying to keep my head above water but I feel like I’ve lost all hope, my therapist isn’t helping so come next week my therapist is going to be fired, therapy was my last hope I’ve tried getting help since I was 16 and, 15 years later still no help. I comfort eat, comfort shop and that’s why I’m broke all of the time. My teeth are rotting but because of my autism and my dentist being poor and not understanding I was fired from the only dentist in the area. I have very little energy in the day and I don’t really want to carry on. I’ve had this discussion with my partner who just keeps saying they don’t want to lose me. Feeling suicidal isn’t fun and my options to feel ok are limited, the only thing that works for me are eating pain meds that I have my joint pain, vaping or taking psychedelics, but never taken together. Psychedelics help me the most but are hard to come by and could land me in hot water. It’s madness that they had trials and gave people psychedelics are treatment for ptsd (which is what I have) but then nothing else happened, no changes, no more help which looked so promising. Psychedelics microdosing melts away my suicidal feelings within an hour and beings me a warm happy and cuddly feeling. Most of the things I mentioned above work far quicker than most of the anti depressants. When I’ve tried antidepressants in the past they didn’t work for weeks and then gave me side effects like ringing in my ears that has never gone away so my ears ring 24/7 it sounds like feedback from an amp playing on a loop in your ears. Noise cancelling headphones help minimise it but it never goes away.