I can’t ever seem to do anything right. I’m falling behind in school. I keep forgetting to do my chores. Every little thing I do is viewed as a mistake by my mom. My brother is always the perfect one. The miracle. Why can’t she love me like that for once? Why does she always yell at me? Maybe I really am just doing something wrong. Maybe I really am the disappointment that she sees when she looks at me. I just want it all to end.
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What you are doing wrong is seeking approval from someone incapable of providing it. As to your “perfect” sibling, I quite doubt it, these things tend to be interpersonal politics, and though you might expose them, what would be the point?
Why push for anything without promise of reward? Education is worthwhile IF it provides economic security, and that is very much in question these days. Believe me, even educated I despair of the hopeless landscape, and feel inadequate
I’m an only child, so am both the most loved and most detested member of my family. Parents are, on average, somewhat defective. Forgiving them of that is hard though.
the curse of “should”
i dont know if this is bad advice but i feel like ive experienced similar things and i just try my best and have learnt to stop expecting it. its not that i dont care, its that i dont get my hopes up for something that will never happen. and this just makes the whole thing and all the feelings so much easier to handle because nothing comes as a shock or like a strong feeling if that makes sense
Your mom is the one who is messing up here. She sounds toxic. A convenient child does not equal a good child. She wants convenience, she wants to easily control you for her own selfish benefit. She probably tried teaching you that you are responsible for her own feelings (happiness, sadness, disappointment) as a pathetic attempt to control you to her liking. You are not responsible for her feelings. She is SOLEY responsible for her own feelings. It’s her job as a parent to deal with her own triggers (not being able to control you). You are your own unique person and it’s your job to think for yourself and find what makes you happy in life. Don’t ever let yourself believe that you have to be who your mom wants you to be. Her standards are clearly not something to be desired! Know your worth. Don’t ever believe her emotional abuse. She is weak to make you feel this way.