If a puppy gets kicked and abused repeatedly by a human, it learns to distrust and hate humans. It reacts by being aggressive or shrink away from humans. It isolates and becomes a loner. It learns to bite and bark, and becomes an aggressive dog.
Much is the same way for humans. If humans from an early age are abused and neglected, it learns to distrust humans, it becomes a loner, self-isolates. It has a hard time trusting other humans, has trouble forming bonds, becomes angry and bitter, at the world, at life. And obviously depressed.
And what if WE become that wounded puppy? And we are barking and biting at anyone who comes near? What if WE become the asshole? By asshole i don’t mean being intentionally a dick to others, but unintentionally so? Like if we are angry and bitter about the world, and are super sensitive to others, so when we get slighted in any way, we react with anger? I mean, it would be justified anger, if someone is doing something to set us off, but a more well-adjusted person may just “let it go” or respond calmer, vs being set off.
How does a wounded puppy learn to trust? It needs a human to have patience, love it, show affection, and show it won’t hurt it. And slowly over time, the wounded puppy will learn to not bite and be afraid of humans.
What about a wounded human? We need the same- we cannot heal and “get better” if we are not shown love and patience and kindness. And yet that is exactly what some of us are lacking and cannot get.
How do the wounded humans get the love and patience and kindness that we desperately need? We are not much different from a puppy that’s been kicked repeatedly. And the solution is the same- we need a rescuer- someone with the patience of a saint to love us and show us kindness. But where the fuck can we find these people? And how do we get the help and love we need? For many of us, we can’t seem to find people to even be friends, let alone a S.O.
I’ve obviously had friends and close friends before, and relationships in the past, but I’ve never been so “kicked” by the world, and so angry and bitter and jaded about life as I am now, after enduring so much abuse and shit from the world. I don’t like humans in general and find the human species loathesome. I may think well of individual people (there’s good people and bad people in the world), but I find the general species horrible, and the average person selfish and uncaring.
I don’t think I’ll get better unless SOMEONE out there shows me love and kindness. But I also don’t think that’s likely to happen. Who is willing to show a wounded puppy love and affection, when it’s covering alone in the corner in fear?
SO…what do I do?? What does this wounded human puppy do? How do I get the love and kindness I need?
9 comments
That’s a loaded statement. It does take a lot to maintain proper relationships and friendships IRL. Romantic relationships are a whole other thing, and since people are different, it’s never the same route for anyone.
When you’re a mess in your own head, or dealing with physical or mental illness, that’s more patience, understanding, caring, that’s needed. More often than not it will drive people mad, drive people away. Stronger people will stay, but most won’t.
I think the consolation needs to be getting oneself to a better point. Yes, having people who care and what not always helps, but the onus is on the individual. Life is unfair. Life does not care about the individual, as annoying as that is. We as individuals need to take steps to get ourselves in a better situation.
I’ve accepted that I may not ever have another girlfriend, may not actually start my own family, etc. What I need to do is get myself to a point where I have what I need to survive for myself at the very least. Then I can worry about attempting to start a family and the like, if it ever happens.
I know how it sounds, but hopefully something helps you here.
As you say, “rescue” is generally unlikely. Not impossible, but I suppose even if you do have the luck to come across someone who might feel inclined to rescue you, that would still be somewhat dependent on how difficult you made it for them. There are some rescue dogs that are so dysfunctional that even the most experienced and patient owners would hesitate to take them on.
So I guess all you can do is all any of us can do – focus on the things within your control. That unfortunately doesn’t include other people, or their willingness to care for us. There may be no way to get the things you need. The best we can do is to reconcile ourselves to that possibility, and focus our energies on improving how functional we are (particularly to the eyes of prospective “rescuers.”)
When you mentioned, “I don’t think I’ll get better unless SOMEONE out there shows me love and kindness. But I also don’t think that’s likely to happen. Who is willing to show a wounded puppy love and affection, when it’s covering alone in the corner in fear?”
I’ll take you up on that challenge. I’m at the point in my life where I’ve lost everything, no friends and no family support. I have had lots of great skills and experience. All I want to do (if I stay alive) is to provide someone unconditional love that will actually appreciate it. Perhaps my flaw is that I’m a “giver” but usually people figuratively poop on me.
hi there. haven’t seen u post much here. i don’t think there’s enough love and kindness and empathy in this world, especially in the US, which is why there’s so much depression and loneliness and unhappiness here.
eternaldarkness, I posted an original post back several years ago. I think it was during my last military deployment, and at that time my unit was extremely hostile, I was lower than low, my wife at the time cheating on me (literally hundreds of people) back in the States, while I had pretty much given up on life. Alas, I was too much of coward to see it through. The closest I got would be when I’d either jog or hike the perimeter of our compound at night, hoping I’d be mortar-shellled by the enemy. Is it luck? If there is a God or Nature or fate out there, unless I do something direct action to make Darwin Awards or obvious capitulation, just not my time yet. That was years ago. But obviously things not better here on the US home front, things very gradually downward spiraling since after 2019. I’ve been reading a lot of your posts and response—very well written prose style. I can relate quite a lot to you and your personality, worldview and your personal contradictions of how (an outsider like me) sees you. How could I trust anyone else that is not having ideations like us? Surely not my supposed friends and no family. I just need one to make it through. I’m giving myself a shelf life of less than five years if things don’t improve
i’m just tired of it all. this life has been set up by the wealthy to be exactly what it is- a system designed to create indentured servants to serve the master class. the poor have no hope. the middle class sticks their head in the sand and pretends everything is ok- “at least we’re not the poor!”- they say and go about their daily life, bc they can look one rung below them and go, “hey! i’m not bad off!”
i haven’t always been poor or sick. i was ex military too, back when i was young and healthy, and before I realized we were pawns in the elites desire to control/topple other nations and to steal their oil and other natural resources. when you are 17-19yo and enlist, you didn’t know about that kind of stuff, especially pre-internet.
i rose up from childhood poverty through sheer will power, grit and intelligence. i was middle class before my car accident. then life went to shit and back to poverty i went. poof* my whole future disappeared bc an asshole decided to run me over with his car.
oh, bc i AM intelligent, i am smart enough to realize the fuckery that’s going on in America, and unlike most, cannot stick my head in the sand. ah, ignorance is bliss, but only for the willfully ignorant. lucky bastards get to pretend everything is great. but when your eyes are opened, life becomes unbearable.
knowing the truth is depressing. the truth is despair.
anyhow, i’m rambling. long story short- life sucks.
eternaldarkness, thank you for being (viscerally) open, raw and honest. Sorry that you’ve been outside of the Matrix like me. Good news, if any? You’re not alone.
when you know the truth, it’s hard to be happy. sigh…
eternaldarkness, yes so true. But, that’s because the initial truth always hurts, yet our flexible minds learn to adapt and realize perseverance and survival are key to see it past that reality. I’m not giving advice, heck I feel like my life is downward spiral daily, but for some bizarre reason I survive—regardless of the daily ideations. I exercise hard, but try fatigue from depression never leaves my body. When I’m not working, Sleep is my mistress—I’m in my bed for 16 hours with zero motivation. I ask God every night that I do not wake up the following morning. Sometimes in the middle of the day, I get stressed out and catch up on all the procrastination side-effects: bills, food, trash, etc.
I do not feel like I’m accomplishing anything, my self-esteem is non-existent to receive. I have skills and am fully functional, but I just don’t care about anything positive towards myself anymore.