Is it bad that the first thing I do when I get home from school every day is pop open a beer?
Is it bad that I smoke weed once a week?
Is it bad that every-night I cut myself?
Is it bad that I cry for hours every day?
Is it bad that I dream of death?
Is it bad that I am never happy?
Is it bad that I regret everything I do?
Is it bad that I want to kill myself?
94 comments
Seems like those are mostly questions you should answer for yourself. I would say drinking and weed really aren’t that bad. I guess it depends on how many more beers follow that first one. The drinking must not be doing much good though if you still cry for hours everyday and cut yourself every night. I think everyone has dreams where they die. One of my favorite song lyrics is “I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I am dying are the best I’ve ever had” Never being happy well I think most would agree thats bad. Personally I don’t mind not being happy. I guess rather it would depend on just how unhappy you are. That numb feeling where you don’t really feel anything one way or the other isn’t so bad, but being miserable all the time yea that can kind of suck. Everyone has regrets, regretting everything seems a bit extreme. Unless you mean more in a general sense you just regret living so you regret everything about life. Rather then specifically regretting every single action of everyday. Wanting to kill yourself, well most of us wouldn’t even be on this site if we didn’t at least think about wanting to die so I guess I would have to say no thats not bad, or maybe we are just all bad people here.
usually 3 or 4 beers follow the first one. Some people tell me it’s bad because I’m only 15. I love the song mad world too…the kind of unhappiness I have its not the numb feeling, its just misery all the time. No escape from it. the only escape is drugs and death
Well depending on who you ask I am sure you could find people in this crazy world that would say anything and everything is bad, its your choice though to decide what is good or bad for yourself. Even at 15 a few beers aren’t really going to affect you that much especially if you drink everyday so its really not that bad. If you were drinking to the point of having blackouts on a regular basis that probably wouldn’t be so good. Yea and constant misery is no good.
Alcohol is the only escape I have from life now. Its so good and it makes me feel good. And somewhat happy. Sometimes I don’t remember what happens but its still better then being sad
Well if you need that escape and it makes you feel better then take it. Really its not that much different then what a psychiatrist might do for you. Give you some medication to numb your feelings and help you cope with things. So yea drink some beer put the headphones on and just try to lose yourself in your music for a while.
you are the first person say its ok to drink. I like not being yelled at for what i do to try to manage to stay here for
Is it bad that the first thing I do when I get home from school every day is pop open a beer? Probably not, but, your parents won’t like it…….so what, they’re parents
Is it bad that I smoke weed once a week? No, i smoke it every day
Is it bad that every-night I cut myself? Bit strange that one, not qualified to comment
Is it bad that I cry for hours every day? no, it’s what’s keeping you alive
Is it bad that I dream of death? no, dreaming is normal, good or bad…I don’t dream at all, coz I smoke so much weed.
Is it bad that I am never happy? Not happy or not fulfilled ?
Is it bad that I regret everything I do? No, we all regret things, don’t allow people to corner you and def don’t rush into things your not sure you want to be involved in.
Is it bad that I want to kill myself? No, I’m 47 and every now and then I think fuck it, but, but, but, people WILL miss me and they will miss you. Ihave kids and while they drive me crazy I have promised them unconditional love, always. stay alive, most parents do love you, they’re just as fucked up as you are………
I drank for a long time and found I preferred weed, and after weed I preferred keeping my job and my friends.. wish you luck guys you sound really unhappy. xx
If it makes you feel any better, I drank a bottle of champagne two nights ago and then I drank a bottle of wine last night. I passed out both nights feeling happy and woke up in the morning not remembering a thing. I struggle to sleep and when I do sleep, I get really bad nightmares. So drinking helps me. If it helps you, then you should do it. What is the alternative at the end of the day?
downing bottles and bottles of beer is the only way to sleep at night. If i dont then I lay away contemplating death. I get really depressed and stuff. But when I drink I don’t remember things and I pass out. Its perfect. Its like i wasnt even living, like I wasnt here
why shouldn’t it be alright to drink, you know there are places in the world with no age requirement for drinking, and even in most other countries aside from the US the legal age is much lower. Most of Europe its 16 or 18.
The fucking u.s. has the highest drinking age in the world. Italy doesnt even have one. I think ill go there then ill be legal. And i dont care about the proper age anyways, I get drunk everynight and i havent been caught once. So fuck the law and fuck my dumb ass parents
yea its kind of ironic that the US the land of the free has some of the most restrictive laws as far as personal freedom. Well I didn’t say you should care about the proper age, I was just pointing out that our perceptions of what is good and bad right or wrong, can depend a lot on where we live.
The law here suck and make me unhappy. You can’t own a gun till your 18, you can’t buy sleeping pills without a prescription, you can’t even buy fucking spray paint or a lighter till you 18. And now I can’t get my license till im like 16 1/2. Ive gotta wait that long till i can be free
Yea laws can suck, but at least I think most of us tend to ignore the ones we don’t agree with, well as long as the penalty for getting caught wouldn’t be to bad. Like with underage drinking, or all the copyrighted stuff I download off the internet, or jaywalking sure all those things are against the law but most ppl tend to ignore those laws. So you think you will be happier when you get your license, that isn’t that far off? Just maybe not so much beer when you are driving lol
my plan the day i get my license is to get completely wasted and get in a tragic ” accident”.
interesting plan seems like there are easier ways to die though and hopefully that tragic accident wouldn’t involve any other cars, you wouldn’t want anyone else to be hurt would you?
easy ways, well im sure but one I have accesses to? no. the only deadly things in our house are razors and Tylenol. Tylenol will kill my liver, id be put in the hospital and possibly saved. Razors are not good because if i don’t cut deep enough i wont die and ill be locked up. I wouldn’t dream of hurting anyone else, I’d probally drive my car into the water or something. Drowning is supposed to be peaceful especially if im drunk
yea tylenol would suck, and very little chance you would be able to take enough to kill yourself without vomiting. Drowning probably wouldn’t be so bad, Who needs a car for that though, just some heavy weight to hold you down and a pool would work. Although since you seem to be able to wait for your license its probably just good to wait anyway. Just hang out on here maybe you will find some people to connect with, even some friends and things will get better.
your right. A nice heavy weight would work. I don’t really feel like hanging around. Life sucks. Its hard and unfair and brutal. Im not happy here and I have no friends to look out for me. As for the things getting better I guess they have to because right now Im at rock bottom. I have nothing left to lose except my life.
yep the world is a cold brutal place, pretty much everything that everyone does the primary motivation is self interest. Its hard when even you family can’t be counted on to help you. As for friends I think everyone on this site is probably just here because they want or even need friends to talk to.
Honestly i would love a friend to talk to. Thats all i really want, some one who cares about me. Some one that will call me after i see them because they can recognize that im not ok. Some one who wants to help me and wants to see me better, I want a friend that will help me through all this. And i want to be able to help some one too. no one trust me though no one wants to be my friend, even people who know nothing about me.
I think trust is one of those things you have to earn. To many shady people in this world that are just out for themselves, its really hard to put any trust or faith in people you don’t know. Until you really get to know people you always have to wonder what their motivations are and how much you can rely on them. Otherwise you might trust the wrong person and have your faith in them abused and be worse off even then you were before you met them. You seem like a nice enough person though, just look around at all the posts here there are plenty of people that need help. Just start talking to them and I am sure you will find someone you can connect with.
and why settle for just ” a friend” or “someone” seems like people come here everyday all looking for the same things you are, help, understanding, compassion. So why think about just making a friend when you can think about trying to make several 🙂
People don’t like me. I don’t know why. I just don’t ‘connect’ with any one. Even after being best friend with some one for over a year she still didn’t trust me. I gave her a year, and i told her things i never told anyone before and she knew that but she still didn’t trust me. I am good with secrets and stuff and helping people when i have the chance. Maybe I’m good at it because i go over the top on every chance i get because i know that people rarely let me into their lives. Mainly because every one has things figured out and they don’t need me. They have already told all there secrets to there friends. They don’t need me for anything. I’m just another person to everyone. I’m not special in anyones life
I don’t know, I don’t have much in the way of friends either, I mostly have acquaintances that I don’t really care about. The people I do find interesting I guess I try to hard with them and its kind of weird. Maybe you just haven’t been meeting the right kind of people. I think everyone has people they can connect with its just a matter of finding where you fit in probably. I don’t think many people have it all figured out either…I think some people might have less problems to deal with, and some people might be better at hiding their problems but everyone has issues.
I know all sorts of people, a lot with the same problems. When i try to talk to them they never open up to me, even though I tell them a lot. I know little facts about some poeple but not enough to really be their friends. I care about people they just don’t care back and I want to have a freind where we trust echother and care about echother and we get along but no one gives me the chance.
well that is kind of weird I don’t know I guess some people just aren’t good at sharing their pain. People here seem pretty open though.
Still I just wish people would trust me. I’ve been through a lot, I’ve mad a lot of mistakes, I know how to deal with a lot of things (and not by drinking) I wanna help people. I want to be of some use to some one. I want some one who will think ” oh I’m upset I’m gonna call Libby because she I can talk to her and she will help me” but thats never going to happen
I know how you feel about cutting yourself. When I was depressed and suicidal I would do it all the time. Then i went to a hospital and got help. I started feeling better but then my girlfriend and I broke up. It started coming back but then I went to YoungLife camp this summer. I found my way with christ and it helped. I got back from camp and drama came back into my life. My anger would take over in me and i would cut myself all the time. I literally carved my initials in my chest. My ex girlfriend’s on my left arm. Then just like horizontal cuts on my left bicep. I started to realize that I was only hurting myself. More friends started concerning about me so i told myself i would stop cutting. its been 3 months and im doing good. I don’t even let my anger take over in me anymore.
My legs (inside of my calfs) are covered with old scars and cuts. I’ve just started on my wrist now, no one even notices what I do. When I wear shorts no one see the scars on my legs, or if they do they say nothing. I don’t cut myself out of anger I do it out of self hatred. I’ve done so many things wrong in my life I can’t forgive myself for, I don’t think I ever will. It’s also hard to accept that God has forgiven me for my sins when I can’t forgive myself. I don’t think I deserve to be forgiven, but I am witch makes me feel worse.
Well its good that you actually want to find people you can help though. Never know the world might surprise you and you find someone. Might as well try, and you never know what might help someone. Sometimes just having people to talk to when you feel lonely is a huge help to someone. Even if you don’t talk about anything important.
I know what you mean. I always call people when I feel really bad, I never tell them whats wrong because I know they don’t wanna deal with it but I just talk to the. I tell people to call me when they are not ok but they never do. One day my friend was ok so I called her and told her I wanted to help, she just hung up on me. She said she didn’t want it to be me she talked to. I guess I’m just not good enough for people, thats why they don’t want me as their friends.
yea sometimes you don’t even want to talk about what’s wrong. Most people can’t really help with the actual problem anyway or the problem has no solution. They can be a distraction though and give you something else better to think about. I don’t know maybe you should let go of some of that guilt you feel I doubt that there is anything you have done in your short life that really is beyond forgiveness. The way you feel about yourself might actually affect the way others feel about you. Like they pick up on that negative vibe or something. Its ok here of course because most of us here have similar feelings so you won’t be judged on that, but out in the real world people are not usually so open minded.
Well what I did was really bad, I’ve done two things that in my mind I can’t let go. And I’m not negative in the real world. I know that that would never work. I pretend that everything is ok and put on a smile, make jokes, and laugh. Everyone who knows me as an aquantinces likes me like that but they never want to be friends with me. I guess I don’t really trust myself with friends, after what ive been through. I know that they wont like me, if they knew who i really was, no one accepts me for me.
Well with acquaintances it is easy to fool people its when they get close that its hard to keep up the act. Its interesting though you say how you can pretend everything is ok, fake smile some jokes and noone knows how much you hurt. Yet you think everyone else really is ok. I mean as much as you hold inside yet to a casual observer you can make them think nothing is wrong. Maybe the truth is that almost everyone is really hiding behind a fake smile. You seem alright to me, you say you would rather help people instead of hurting them, personally that means a lot to me in how I judge people.
People may know that I am hiding how I really am but I don’t think they do. I’ve told 3 people in my school about all my problems and yesterday one of them came up to me and said ” you look better, how have you been?” I told her I felt better and she believed me. If she didn’t she would have said something. I am pretty good at tell when somethings wrong with other people, I guess because my whole life is hiding I know when some one else is too but it doesn’t matter. They won’t talk to me about it. I want to help people, maybe it will make up for what I did. I keep thinking that. I feel as though I need to do something good, help some one, then I can be forgiven. Prove that I don’t just hurt people, that I can make some one ok.
Sadly I think its inevitable to hurt people, even if its unintentional we all have. Sometimes some situations its unavoidable that no matter what choices are made someone will be hurt by the outcome. Its hard not to dwell on past mistakes but it doesn’t do a whole lot of good. Its nice though if you learn from mistakes you have made and want to be a better person in the future because of it, its all any of us can really do move on and try to improve.
I’ve hurt two people very badly, not just emotionally but physically. Seeing my best friend in the hospital because of me……and my boyfriend bleeding in front of me…….It is like one of those memories that you can’t get out of your head. It’s like a picture thats burned into my mind. I can’t forget it. Ever. All I see is him coverd in blood because of me, all I see is her with and IV, in a hospital bed crying, her parents crying too. because of me
well personally I would choose physical pain over emotional pain any day. Blood washes off, wounds heal, and your friend probably got some nice pain killers in that IV. Not to make light of it, but I guess they survived and you didn’t cause any permanent damage. So things could always be worse.
My boyfriend is out of sports for 3 more months its was 3 months ago so a total of 6 and my friend I guess she is better now but I can’t forget it. Its hard to forget, and get over stabbing one. And making some one else try to kill themselfs……
Well stabbing someone is pretty serious but still if he can get back to sports after 6 months its probably not any lasting damage. You blame yourself for someone else trying to kill herself. You would have to have a ton of control in her life then. I seriously doubt it was all your fault alone. People have to be feeling pretty hopeless to do that, its not just one thing wrong with their life its everything wrong. So yes you might have failed her, you might have hurt her but if she had other good things in her life to hold onto it wouldn’t have happened. So it seems like everyone failed her not just you.
she told me……she said that It was my fault, that I didn’t treat her well enough. That I was a horrible person and that’s why she did it….I can’t live with that. She is right, I don’t deserve to live, im too bad of a person. I’ve almost kiled two people because of my selfishness, because of who I am
well your friend has issues for sure, if she wants to put all the blame of her trying to kill herself on one person. More likely she would just say something like that because she wanted to hurt you, rather then it being strictly true. Lets look at it another way if you tried to kill yourself. Would you be able to narrow it down like that and say its all because of one person, or would you say its because of years of pain suffering, lack of hope etc etc. If how one person treats you determines whether you want to live or die, all I can say is you place very little value on your life. So is it really that one person’s fault that your life has no value to you?
I want to kill myself because I am unneeded, I am a horrible person and no one wants me. Everything will be better without me. The only person I would blame is myself, Im not good enough for anyone, I don’t deserve to live. And honestly I just don’t want to be here. It’s not worth it.
Well so it wouldn’t really be anyone else’s fault but your own, so why should you accept the blame for someone else not caring about their own life. Well technically none of us are really needed here, nothing we do or think or feel will change the world or make it a better place. Everything will be better without you? nope, it won’t be any better the world won’t change one bit whether you are in it or not. Sigh so much guilt, you say you really want to get close to people, but that you aren’t good enough for anyone. Living has nothing to do with who does or doesn’t deserve to, who would even make that judgement. What criteria would you even use to determine who might or might not deserve to live. You aren’t horrible you have as much right to live and try to be happy anyone else has.
She said that it was my fault. I made her want to die. It was my fault. Some people are needed. I need Kate, Jackie and Emily. Without them I would probably have killed myself by now. Some people are needed, because they help others, they are also wanted by others. I am not. No one needs me. Without all the hurt and pain I cause people the world would be better. Not the world but here where I am. It would be better.
Well I have actually enjoyed talking to you, it has helped pass a few hours. There seems to be good in you even if you don’t see it. You regret what you have done to hurt people. You want to find a way to help other people, and you just want to feel needed and useful. Those are all good qualities.
I’ve enjoyed talking to you too. I may have good qualities as you say but no one to share them with
just keep trying you will find people to share with. Its hard at your age everyone tries so hard to be normal, noone wants to stand out or seem odd. Or associate with people that are different. It gets better as you get older but even then, the world will always be a cold brutal place.
I don’t wanna wait to find out. I just want this to be over
your friends Kate, Jackie, and Emily don’t need you? Well you will do what you have to do, whats best for you, thats all any of us can do. I wouldn’t mind talking to you more though, I don’t really have much of a life so I am pretty much always around the computer unless I am sleeping…well I sleep as much as possible since its preferable to being awake but still, I am on the computer a lot if you feel like talking more
they don’t need me. They have there other friends, the only thing i do with kate is smoke weed. Jackie doesnt care, neither does Emily, I just call them when I need help.
I’d like to keep talking to you, you seem nice.
@ Libby. I totally understand how you feel. I have read a couple of your posts and poems, and I think that they are beautiful. Don’t ever feel bad about who you are or what you do or how you feel. I think that you are really brave and honest for being honest and able to talk about the way that you feel. I don’t even know you, but I already think you are awesome. Believe me I understand that life sucks. I fucking hate it too and wish that I was dead every second of the day. You are not alone.
well it seams we have a lot in commen then
cool, so what are you doing while chatting on here? I am just sitting around listening to Nirvana. I idolized Kurt Cobain back in high school, loved the music was my favorite band. Even grew my hair out like his, shaved it the day he killed himself, I was in high school way back then. Still love the music its weird though you never know what a person might have in their head, he seemed to have everything, fame, fortune, millions of people loved him around the world. Even if you don’t see it everyone has problems though I guess.
Im just…… sitting in my room. Jamming out. Mostly people have problems, they hide them, sometimes really well. I was wondering about you a little bit
Me? I dunno most of my problems are in the past, a crappy childhood, some things you just never seem to escape, they may not hurt you anymore but they still affect how you act and how you feel. I wouldn’t even say life is painful anymore just empty lacks any meaning. Which I can mostly live with. Beyond that probably bipolar, ADHD, but can be highly obsessive about things prone to addiction lol the list probably goes on. I guess I should be on some type of medication but I dunno for some reason I don’t really want that kind of help. Good or bad I guess I just want to be me and don’t want to get on a bunch of medications that would change who I am or how I think.
you would rather be unhappy and stuff then on medications
I don’t know I guess it depends on how bad the unhappiness is, most of the time even when I feel like I am really depressed I still know thats just part of being me and the pain will pass it always does. It can be hard though, I wouldn’t say I plan anything suicidal but there are times I go to sleep and think it would be cool to not wake up or whatever. I guess you get used to it, and it probably sounds weird but I don’t trust all those drugs. They might do what they are supposed to do but how much else do they do. How much of yourself do you sacrifice to feel better.
well I go to bed a lot wishing I wouldn’t wake up. My friends mom was on the meds and she just got worse they did the opposite for her
my brother is on some medication not sure what they have him taking. Not sure how much it really helps him. He says he doesn’t think about suicide all the time when he is on it, but only because he finds it hard to focus lol. Not sure how much of an improvement that really is.
I’d take not thinking of death over loss of concentration
Maybe but I didn’t say he doesn’t still think of it just not all the time, and who knows if the loss of concentration is all that it changes about him. I don’t know I guess I just haven’t seen a lot of situations where medication has really helped someone. They change sure, but is it really a change for the better. Seems like they just trade one set of problems for another.
Your right. Thats why I don’t want to take them. The way the drugs work is by making things “go away” but the side effects are the original problems only worse. I know they make some things better but they seam not work for most people. They seam problematic
sometimes I think they just make their best guess when giving prescriptions. Like they think anything is better then doing nothing. So just try something and if that doesn’t work try something else or change the dose. Just keep experimenting until you come up with something that seems to work well enough. I mean if it really got to the point where I thought it was going to be kill myself or try some medicine I would probably at least give the medication a chance first. I just don’t think its ever gotten quite that bad for me.
Speaking from experience you shouldn’t wait until your a worst. Once you get that depressed and that suicidle you don’t think about getting help all you think about it the quickest and easyist way to kill yourself
yea thats true by the time you decide something has to be done you might have waited to long. I guess I just assume that if things were going to get that bad they would have already. Really I suppose you never know though, something could hit you the wrong way at the wrong time and turn tolerable depression into something worse.
sometimes it is not even something, its just nothing. I guess I woke up one day just really bad off like you are having a bad day or something and then that feeling doesn’t go away the next day or the next week.
that sucks, I have had my share of bad days for sure, but the pain always fades away. Not sure how I would cope if things were just always bad.
I just cope by drinking, smoking and cutting, and I haven’t turned out all that bad lol. But those are not the best means of coping. Writing here helps a little bit and sometimes driving with my friends does to. Long drives just clear my mind usually because I can talk to some one and cry and get things out. But that doesn’t happen often.
yea there are probably better ways, but hey whatever keeps you going from one day to the next. Does the crying help, I think its been oh I dunno maybe 20 years since I cried about any emotional pain. I guess I was taught that crying was unacceptable and learned that lesson to well maybe.
crying doesn’t help but I can’t not do it. Its hard for me not to cry. The more I try not to the more I do.
I wish it did. I spend hours crying all the time. itis not fair i wanna be ahlppy toow and all i do is cry. iwanna b erfrinds with osme one and i wannalove some one. i wanna care about osomething on this god damn earth. bu ti cant i wanna kill myself. i am goin got this weeekend
yea I guess its just been so long I forget how that could be. Its to bad it doesn’t help you.
come on now, if all you really want is to have at least one single person to love and that loves you back. How can you give up? you might meet someone today or tomorrow or next week. There are so many people in this world that just want that same thing to connect with others, you will find it. Just hang in there.
no body wants me. im useless and they dont need me. no one needs me. when i die things won tchange, people wont msis me. things will be better. and i won tbe here. no one wants me around they never have im ust another burden on everyone.
come on you aren’t that bad I like talking to you maybe we will end up being friends you never know. You are just so hung up on being useful to people, nothing would be better with you gone. who are you a burden to?
veryone. When i try to talk to people about my problems they just copmlain about how they have there own stuff to deal with and how stressful it is to have a freind whos suicidle. How im so hard to deal with and me needing poeple is a crime. how all i do is take and never give
I guess it can be tough to have a suicidal friend, most people especially at your age don’t have the kind of life experiences to understand it. lol not like I am the best one to give advice about friends since I don’t have any either.
exCTLY im screwed and soon ill be dead too
I dont know about screwed I said most people wouldnt understand I didn’t say no one does. You know when I was in high school I had 4 or 5 people that I spent everyday with had multiple classes with them ate lunch with them same people everyday all 4 years of high school. Never really spent any time with them away from school though. Graduation night was the last time I talked to any of them, I don’t even know if I ever even thought of any of them as friends I guess I did, but they really weren’t. We never talked about anything personal just general stuff what was on tv, sports, school. I guess I really had 0 friends back then, but hey I got through it. Things are better after high school, although I still don’t have any friends but hey maybe thats just me, could be you will have better luck.
how am i supposed to get through with no frineds. i dont have any1 to call when im upset and then i go on to cut myself. someimtesm i think about taking a whole bottle of pills and no one will care. no one will no. i just want some one to be able to check up on me and have my badck
its tough, mostly I would just come home from school put on some music and play video games, or read books. I read a lot back then, I guess just always trying to do stuff to keep your mind busy so you don’t dwell on things. Trying to fall asleep was the worst back then, its like unless I was so exhausted I was ready to pass out my brain just didn’t want to turn off. So if I tried to sleep I would just end up laying there for hours thinking about stuff. I would usually try to leave music on and keep my mind on the music til I drifted off. Or just try to think about how I would write myself in as a character in whatever book I had been reading that day.
It sucks that you can’t go to your parents when you need help. Really they had a kid they have an obligation. Its why I never have, or ever will have children. I can barely function well enough to get myself through each day I know I wouldn’t be able to deal with taking care of a child. Well you can always come on here when you are upset, doesn’t seem like there are always people on here to talk to though. Or call one of those crisis lines, I mean those people want to help so its not like you are a burden on them when you call, its their job to help.
I love sleeping, I have no outlets and my parents know about everying, Fuck my mom saw the cuts on my wrist and she wont fucking do anything
hey there at least something you love, well and I think you said you love music also so thats 2 things 🙂 Actually I really love sleeping its so peaceful its the best part of the day. The problem was always getting there, especially if you have to be up at a certain time the next morning. Like if I can just fall asleep now I can get a good 5 hours of sleep that should be ok…Well ok I can still get 4 hours of sleep just let me fall asleep now…hmm well 3 hours I could probably live with that…oh fuck it let me just play some more mortal Kombat I maybe I can just sleep tomorrow.
Every night when I try to sleep my thoughts drift and then they come back to my life. I realize all these things and I break down and cry because its that bad. I playget my ipod play a upbeat song and play Spider or mind-sweeper or sudoku to keep my mind busy. Then I try to fall back asleep and then my thoughts come right back to my life and I cry again. I lay awake for hours and just cry.
I wish your parents would let you go to the doctor, at least so you could even get some sleeping pills maybe. You might feel better if you got to sleep more instead of some of that crying. Being tired just always made things worse for me, made me feel drained all the time, irritable, and even more depressed. Especially when everyday I was getting up for school miserable after at best 4 hours of sleep. oh and yay Sudoku, I never was much good at it but I used to like playing that and Kakuro, numbers and logic puzzles are fun 🙂
My mom said she has been trying to get me help and she has emailed people but I think they would have responded by now. She says they haven’t gotten back to her yet. I really think she’s lying. Seeping pills would be great because then I could kill myself quite easily.
or you could you know use them for there intended purpose and see if sleeping more would help you. Emailing people, who would she be emailing why wouldn’t she just take you to see a psychiatrist?
Or not. She said she is emailing a psychiatrist and stuff, She is a liar though. She doesn’t care about me.
why does she need to email a psychiatrist, emailing about what even, if she thinks you need a psychiatrist seems like she would just take you to one. Doesn’t seem like it would take much time to find one that would see you.
exactly. It has been over a month since she said she would fine me one. I don’t know why she wouldn’t call either. And she knows I have been cutting on my wrist so I think that would speed up her “looking”
yea I don’t understand that, why would she lie though, if she really didn’t want to find you help why not just say that. Since it would become obvious when enough time passed anyway. Unless she really thought that stalling would make the problem go away on its own. That would seem to be a serious miscalculation on her part though if that was what she was doing.
she’s just stupid and uncaring, she is probably disgraced by me. That I have ended up like this.