is a fruitless wish bc it obviously cannot be undone, but fuck it all, I wouldn’t have had to suffer and live such a hard SHIT LIFE for multiple fucking decades if I was never fucking born.
-I’m angry I was born into the situation I was born to. Born to shitty parents- yes both.
-Born into poverty bc idiot parents decided to leave a good upper middle income to come to the fucking United States, where literally we’ve been in poverty since DAY FUCKING ONE.
-Born to shitty parents who have ZERO value for a daughter’s life bc daughters mean nothing to them
-I’m angry that no matter how hard I worked, how hard I tried when I was younger, I kept getting kicked by the Universe and by people screwing me over.
-Now I’m too broke- physically and mentally- to do anything to fix my life up.
I’m tired, broken and battered.
I absolutely NEED to get back up and get my life on track- but no easy way to do it when I have so many physical problems, and lack money to do it. I mean if I have gobs of money, it’d be easy as pie to just call up and pay for whatever is need. But that’s not reality. I’m poor, with no help.
Add on top of that that I lost my confidence to do things, so now I’m not helping myself either.
And then I feel even shittier about myself. And then my depression gets even worse.
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Ditto…it’s been a love/hate thing with my parents…they had both their good and bad sides. My dad was a selfish azz who left us and my mom (who was a nurse) was raising 3 kids on her own. It’s a wonder we even made it as far as we did.
In time I got over my anger towards my mother because she has a good heart and tried to be a good parent to us…ofc now she lives with me (she’s elderly) and I would’ve looked after her even if she wasn’t a great parent.
I thought about suicide a million times since I was a teenager…but I’m glad I stuck around because my family would’ve been worse off without my help.
But like you I busted my azz, studying, trying to get ahead but nothing worked out. Now I’m in my 50s and dealing with health problems and not living in a great situation. Though I’m trying to get to the gym because that’ll improve my health a lot.
I keep living because I feel I have a few ‘paths’ I can succeed in…one is working on being self-employed, which if it goes well, will give me the life I always wanted.
Failing that, I have a couple of employment opportunities in the field I studied in and maybe a hook-up through a friend. If didn’t have a chance to improve my life I think I’d probably be more focused on ending it…because I’m ‘over the hill’ and have little to look forward to.
Money could solve most of our problems but it’s hard to come by unless you’re lucky or well-connected.
Because I’ve had some amazing experiences in life, it keeps me going in the hopes I can have similar experiences again. I also stick around for those I care about…plus I like hanging out with my friends and have many other interests.
So I’ve given myself about 10 yrs to improve my lot in life…if it happens then I’ll ride it out till the end…but if I’m scraping by and still not where I want to be by the time I’m 60 then I’ll opt for euthanasia or find some other way out.
But yes some lives are just not worth living…it’d be nice if euthanasia was universally available for all who’ve decided they don’t want to keep living a life they never chose and was forced on them.
Trouble is that govt’s are glacially slow to change…at least some more enlightened liberal countries have legalized it to an extent. But most people have to find their own way out.
well here’s the thing- you have ppl you care about. i don’t. when you have NO ONE in this world who gives a fuck about you, when you don’t care about anyone or anything anymore, there’s just no reason to go on. the only reason i’m here is bc they make it exceedingly difficult to quickly, safely, and peacefully end your own life. i’ve seen way too many failed fucked up attempts. and so i remain, living in misery, unable to get out of my shitty situation.
hell, i TRIED to get out of it and it seemed every move, every decision just brought worse outcomes. and now i’m in an even worse situation than when i started out. so FML.
I hear you ED…I went through a phase over 10 years ago where I thought I’d lose all my close friends…my family isn’t always there for me either (aside from my mom).
At the time I had a pretty bad argument with my uni friends, totally even forgot what it was over…but luckily after a week or so we patched things up and never looked back…but for a while it really felt like my friendship with that group had ended.
In high school I had a tight grow of friends and we thought we’d always be together, but in time they all drifted away…fortunately I found new friends in university with whom I shared great chemistry (like my HS friends)…and we’ve been friends for 20 years now.
I had gotten to know other people in uni, but they didn’t stick around…had i not met that group I mentioned, I would’ve probably been alone right now or trying to reconnect with my HS friends.
I am sorry to hear about your situation…it is rough not having anyone in your life. When I thought I lost my friends I had been in social forums like this and they took on a bit more importance.
You can always try to take courses, join a church or group/sports, hobbies, etc., if you want to meet new people. The relationships will be a bit superficial at first, but if you find someone nice it could develop into a more quality relationship.
Speaking personally let’s say there was some “accident” and I lost every single person that was close to me now, then I’d have nothing to live for. I already have so many problems as it is…but if I had no friends/family then there’s little to hold me here aside from the people at work…but job relationships aren’t that solid usually.
So I would also be looking into bringing my life to an end…however if I had wealth, then I could at least date attractive people and then maybe do what I mentioned earlier to meet new people.
But ofc if I was just getting by as I am now, then I’d say “my fight is over” and seek out a means to end my life. Unfortunately we can’t discuss methods but I do know of some sure-fire ways that could work, but sometimes acquiring what you need can be challenging.
yeah, it seems like uni was the last time people were able to make close friendships or find good bf’s. if i had known that was the case, i would’ve made more effort into friendships/relationships and less focused on work/studying/career that i was working so damn hard on.
fucking hell, mistake of my life, to believe the garbage about career and all that bs when in reality finding your best friends and bfs and making connections were really the only important things in college. -_-
Absolutely, uni is really the best place to find your lifelong friends and bf/gf, possibly your future spouse as well.
Unfortunately I took one of the hardest programs around, so I was studying a lot and it left me little time for a social life.
Though I still managed to hang out and party with friends somewhat. I ended up dating a few girls but they weren’t exactly what I wanted. And tbh I lacked the confidence to approach the ones I really wanted or if I managed to talk to them, I failed to ask them out when I should’ve.
But like you said, in uni I also didn’t give my social life as much attention and importance I really should’ve and instead focused more on my studies and the gym.
Adults used to tell us those are the best years of your life and in hindsight they were totally right. It’s not to say that we still can’t have great experiences when you get older…but it’s far harder since we’re not that young and attractive and in that friendly environment to meet others.
At the same time, I see friends/family who found partners and I don’t envy them. The only good thing for them is that they make a lot of money which helps them meet all their needs, but some of them are dissatisfied with their partners and want out.
One of my sisters who’s a lot like me (a bit more introverted) regrets marrying her spouse. I had warned at the time and said that she could do way better (she’s good looking) and went for someone who’s more average and 15 yrs older…but he had his own successful business and was charming, so she fell for it and didn’t play the field like she should’ve. Now she wants a divorce.
It seems many people are unhappy with the choices they made and would do something else if they could. Like your post on time travel, it would be great if it was possible to go back and do it again, but with the knowledge we have now.