I need the Pain

Every time I cut, I feel so much better, like I’m getting high. Whenever my parents see my scars, they look at me with disgust, and it confuses me. They wanted me to be happy, they told me that I had to be happy or else I had to go. This is me being happy, letting my emotions go. They used to say my happiness was important, but that’s all they sayed to me until I just gave up. Ever since January, I’ve been on lock down, all my family trying to save my damned soul, but I don’t want them to. I want to feel the pain, the pain of the world and mine. No one deserves to feel pain, so I’ll feel it for them. Now, it’s not enough, now I NEED the cuts. When I try, I fail, when I give, I don’t get anything back. The world is against me, and there’s no one helping me fight it. I tried to tell my sister, but she won’t listen, she just looks at me in disgust because she’s better than me. I WANT the pain, I WANT to die. But I don’t know if I can.