I finally moved a few weeks ago. Took long enough I guess. Glad I’m out. Overheard someone tell my dear father that he needed to “push” me to get out, so I went ahead and got it figured out for the poor man. Now I’m my mom and stepdad’s burden for awhile, I wonder how long it’ll be before they’re sick of me.

Shit still hurts.

I don’t see a point in the world, I don’t see a point in myself, I see nothing to go for. I just don’t care about anything anymore. I mean I care about my family, and my friends, but I’ve grown bitter, I think. Knowing I can be so easily replaced. One can only try to be better, I guess.

We’ve been doing stuff here and there, like the aquarium and stuff the other day, which I found very fun. I’m left alone a lot. Which is fine and also not fine. My friend canceled her plans of coming up to visit me last minute for tomorrow. Tried cleaning up for nothing, lol. Oh well. She really misses/cares about her old or other friends she doesn’t get to see. I kinda wonder if she thinks of me the way she tells me stuff about them. I know it’s stupid and selfish, don’t worry.

Obviously, partner isn’t talking yet. I let them know I moved. In case they want to meet up, or something. I know I shouldn’t feel the way I do about it sometimes, it’s shitty of me. Selfish.

I just try to slip by and make life easy. Staying in contact with old friends has been nice, just worried they’ll go away, that I’ll do something and they’ll wanna leave. Like they all do. I don’t act my age, no job, no license etc. People look down on me for it. At least I was the free babysitter for years. Not the easiest or the hardest thing, my middle sister being special needs and all, but I’ve done it all my life. But that’t not a “real” job.

I’m more anxious/paranoid now, jumping at every little noise or thoughts of noise. Freaking out at an itch or any sort of crawling feeling, because of the damn bugs. I think I’ve escaped them… finally. Having plenty of nightmares, my sleep is shit but I sleep on and off enough when I finally do I guess.

I go to school in a few months. I’m not looking forward to it. I wanted to, and still kinda do in a sense. It’s a good route for what I’m doing. It’s only 2 years and it’s paid for, so why the hell not. New environments terrify me. New schedules, people, places, etc. I’m probably fucked, but who knows.

A pointless life update. Just feeling low again per usual, my typical nightly routine. I’m always running away from my thoughts. It’s no different than it ever was.