The Mountain

There hearts will race with the drawing of the tide.
Nothing will come to save them.
Humans are cannibals, consuming one another.
A broken melody, falling from the mouth of Church.
How they would roil if they knew the pain done unto me.
A knife cuts through warm flesh, and a dog grows fat. Some dogs get murdered, and some dogs get fat.
Jesus climbed the mountain, and a prophet looked to the hills, but where are the mountains, and where are the hills?
In your mind! Close your eyes and pray, they say.
Pray into the silence. Look into the eyes of a boulder. Feel the weight of existence come to rest upon your weary shoulders.
Workout to be strong, workout again to be stronger. Keep working out until you are big enough, small enough, attractive enough. Lies, all lies! Its never enough. My face is never satisfactory, and I never am strong enough to be special. I thought I was special. I thought that because I had no friends and no girlfriend I was special. I thought I was more mature than everyone else, but really I’m just a loser. It doesn’t matter how much I pray, how much I workout, or how much I try, I’m always a pathetic loser. A nobody. I just want someone to abuse me and kill me. Shooting myself would be to easy. I want to be punished and murdered, because that’s what I deserve for being a weak piece of trash. I rest my hand in the passenger seat of my truck, imagining.