Ope! I knew my time here left amongst the living was finite but I didn’t know it’d get this much more agonizing this quickly! You know the familiar beats of how this progresses by now. The thoughts are worse! my brain is less inhabitable than ever! there is less ‘good’ (and by good I mean ‘vaguely distracting’) left in the ‘wow, you call laying motionless and eating once every three days and doing absolutely nothing and talking to completely nobody because of the unbelieving excruciating trauma your brain puts you through all of the time a life?’ that I live!
So what am I to do! Genuinely, I don’t have a to-do list in mind for killing myself. There’s so little I am able to do! I know I want to voice call two people at least one more time before it’s over! But idk, that doesn’t feel ‘right’ in a way that might be ‘not now’ or ‘not enough’ in that vague OCD way where things can just… feel Wrong.
I think I don’t want to leave my room anymore. No more food. Food is bad. It’s poisioning my thoughts. That’s one thing.