Couldn’t even step into the office. This is happening more and more lately.
I’ve lost it. There’s a mall not far from where I’m at. I’m just aimlessly walking. People work, and some may hate their jobs, but they suck it up and do it. Why can’t I? I haven’t been working that much at all, and at this point I don’t know what else to do. I just need to start something different and fast.
I’m at such a loss.
I feel so stuck.
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Well, I couldn’t, last job I was at, eventually I couldn’t stay there, couldn’t make it to the end of the shift, so I walked… well, more accurately I drove, because I was an hour from the ratbag hotel they had me staying at, which I drove back to and packed up then drove the two hours home. I had a lot of time to think about it, on that drive.
Now though, I’m so burnt out, I can’t even apply. I get to a certain point, and usually it is involving filling out some identifying information and I just get to….. what’s the point anyway? 80% chance they aren’t going to hire me, I’m just doing it on the narrow 20% chance they even want to talk to me…. but then if they DO, less than 5% chance they’ll pay me more than it costs to work…. the bribes I have to pay myself to deal with their BS.
I’m equally baffled by people that seem to be able to just keep taking it. Sometimes I envy them. Other times, I feel bad for them, or guilty for not being like them. None of it has made me any better at the thing.
it occurs to me that other people might not want to do the math of the probability of the double event; an employer willing to hire me AND pay enough for it to be worth my while, so I did 1/5 chance someone I apply to will hire me (and these are generous odds, it’s been worse for the last three years, this is my rate over the past 16 years).. 1/20 chances they pay enough (again, lifetime rate), amounts to a 1/100 chance of a double event, a 1% chance
Meme; so there’s a chance?
Again I assume others don’t work with percents as much as I do. 95% chance in a scientific sense is considered enough to publish, almost definitely true and noteable. 99% is considered proven, if you have that degree of proof in the data you’d better damn publish it, because if your data is good you just MADE your career. Maybe I should study economics eh?
Which amounts to that a 1% chance means an almost complete certainty it’ll never happen. So not only am I burnt out, but I’m objectively done. This isn’t a feeling, it’s a verifiable fact based on my life and work. You know who bets on a 1% chance? high risk gamblers, people who really want to ride the edge of their adrenaline…. and that’s not me anymore.
I don’t know man.
Likely it’s just me that’s the problem, seeing as people have it worse jobwise.
I’m definitely burnt out. Think I’ve been burnt out for the past few weeks, and I’ve been trying to just steel myself and go back to work consistently again, all to wind up missing another few days when I don’t have the money to afford it.
I really am done with my current place of employment because the job itself isn’t the problem.
At this point, I’m tired of trying to think of some alternative to make money to survive. I just feel like I’m doomed to constantly be stuck in this cycle.