im stuck. that’s what i am. people in this world are moving forward, doing something in their lives whether it makes them happy or not at least they have something to do. i on the other hand don’t. i don’t even have anything that brings me joy ffs. the things that I do are because everyone else is doing them. i study because everyone does, I make friends and try to talk to people because everybody does and I live because everybody does. but never once have I felt like I’m moving forward. i constantly feel like I’m in the same place I was before like nothing has changed. i made and broke friendships and when people felt bad I just consoled them by saying that its ok and that these are not the only friends and all that life goes on shit but in actuality I was just trying not to feel guilty. i had my reasons tho, I actually thought that if I had a normal life like everyone I would feel normal like everyone so I tried. i had normal friends, i behaved like a normal person but it didn’t help. at all.
Now I feel even more stuck, like everyone has at least one thing they do for themselves and not for society or other people but i don’t. i don’t even have likes or dislikes because being very honest nothing bothers me, whatever goes on around me i just go with it because I’m just too exhausted to do anything. hell, i don’t even have a person i hate. and it’s not like people haven’t done stuff to me, they have but i just can’t bring myself to feel anything.
i pretend like im happy when people are around me and i cry when i watch an anime scene that is sad. but i can’t help but feel that all those emotions are nothing but fake. It’s just a facade so that i seem normal.
1 comment
Sounds like you’ve identified some areas of your life you are sufficiently unhappy with that you want to change, or am I misreading? Everyone has a public facing persona, a brand, but if yours is feeling dishonest and wrong, that’s a feeling worth exploring.
comparing doesn’t help. I know often it’s the only way to express certain things, but that’s the time to dive deeper into those feelings. There is no becoming someone you already know. They have their life experience, and you have yours. You have to become a better version of you.
Which comes back to the start of what I was saying; if there are parts of you that you dislike, or that aren’t working, you deserve better. I know that it feels like there are so many things you have to do to appease others, and not to minimize or disparage; the people worth having in your life, they’ll take you how you are. You don’t have to be any version of yourself that you don’t want to be, for people that really care about you.
It sounds like you’ve got a lot of bottled up feelings, pent up emotions, and that’s rough. Know this is a safe place to discuss those feelings.